Canberra Brave ice hockey captain Mark Rummukainen remembers the big smile on Robbie McMullen's face and how his brother-in-law would celebrate a victory as hard as any of his teammates.
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That makes his sudden death after a battle with depression more difficult to comprehend.
"Pride killed Robbie," Rummukainen said.
"It was one of those things, I could never pick it.
"I never saw an angry side or a sad side to Robbie, there was always a big smile on his face.
"For him to do it, shocked me and left so many things unanswered, which upsets me the most."
Rummukainen will lead the Brave on to the ice for the Australian Ice Hockey League finals in Melbourne this weekend without being able to tell one of his closest mates about it.
McMullen, 30, took his own life about a month ago, leaving behind his wife Leah and their three children.
Rummukainen is telling his story to ensure people who are at risk have the courage to speak out before it is too late.
The Brave Foundation has also been established to raise funds for Canberra charities and to provide assistance to people who are struggling with mental health issues.
On the surface, McMullen appeared to have everything under control.
When Rummukainen would ask him if there was anything wrong, he would reply, 'everything's sweet'.
It wasn't until Rummukainen received a call from his sister when he was riding home from work one day he knew that wasn't the case.
Police officers were at McMullen's home and delivered the news no-one wants to hear.
It was a shock not only to Rummukainen, but everyone within the Brave organisation.
"He'd be texting us after a game and finding out what happened," Rummukainen said.
"He'd be one of the guys, especially with a win, and he'd celebrate as hard as the boys.
"He would have come down to Melbourne this weekend and he was one of the first people I'd get in touch with."
Rummukainen's biggest regret is that McMullen didn't feel like he could open up about his problems.
"I'd always say, I can see something's wrong, talk to me, but he'd say, "everything's fine'," Rummukainen said.
"I was never raised by my parents to hold my feelings, never told by my aunts and uncles, boys don't cry. Yet that's the way it is.
"Guys don't cry, they don't open up. It's so wrong by all men to feel that.
"That's something I've learned from Robbie - never be afraid to talk."
To that end, the Brave Foundation has been established as a way of connecting with local charities.
Brave director Warren Apps, who is on the board of Lifeline ACT, said ice hockey could be used as a vehicle to help people who were vulnerable of falling through the cracks.
"It is a smaller niche sport which has an ability to attract a passionate group of people who form a real community," Apps said.
"We noticed there were lots of individuals who were perhaps on the edges, particularly teenagers and guys in their early 20s.
"We've seen the potential of this sport to give a home to people who may not have had one before."
Rummukainen missed the Brave's game the weekend immediately after McMullen's death, but returned to the ice the following week.
"Being back among the guys was great," he said.
"The first game back when we had armbands for Robbie, I was somewhere else in my head.
"There were so many things unanswered."
The Brave play the Newcastle North Stars in the first semi-final at the Icehouse in Melbourne at 3pm on Saturday.
The winner will face either the Perth Thunder or Melbourne Ice in Sunday's final.
❑ Support is available for those who may be distressed by phoning Lifeline 13 11 14; Mensline 1300 789 978; Kids Helpline 1800 551 800.
