All these things a reminder of your own mortality. Of the passing of time.

Yet, in a year where there weren't too many highlights, the night David Bowie died was one of my favourites. A girlfriend and I had taken our daughters, who are firm friends, away for the weekend. As the girls poked about downstairs, the mothers sat on the deck and drank wine and ate cheese and played Bowie songs into the wee hours of the night, reminiscing about lost years, lost loves.

It was a seminal night for me in some ways. A reminder that no matter what passes, no matter what is to come, it's the present that matters.

You can't change the past, you can't worry about a future that might never happen. You can only live in the present, deal with whatever blow might come, revel in whatever joy there is, and get up the next morning and do it all again. And play Heroes.

But it gets tougher when your present isn't all that rosy either. When your own personal present leaves something to be desired. When there's a cloud over everything.

My father is gravely ill, there have been upheavals at work, family issues. I am single. Navigating a new life. Good riddance to you, 2016.

Something keeps popping up in my feed. It's about the "angel numbers" - 11:11 Apparently if you see these numbers often it's a reminder that things are aligning very nicely, a sign that you're in the flow. (Whatever that means.)

11:11 are numbers I see regularly, too often on the clock when I can't sleep. My wedding anniversary. So when I found out about them being angel numbers - and don't worry, I don't believe in all this new age angel business - I took a moment and thought aren't I lucky that my birthday is 11:12.

A reminder that there is a life after. That, even if you thought life was aligned very nicely. There is a new life, one moment on. That the flow continues.

I'm giving myself a gift this birthday (feel free to send me more however). A gift of getting on with it. My life is a new moment, a set of new adventures to be had.

I have made many mistakes in the past year. Failed myself, failed my children, failed family and friends. I have made stupid choices. Continue to make stupid choices. I drink too much and I don't exercise enough. There have been times in 2016 when I've contemplated not reaching 2017. I'll admit the black dog has been nipping at my heels all year. Some days I've given him a scratch behind the ears and let him curl up at my feet. Other times I've listened to him howl all night, unable to sleep.

But like everything else that has happened in 2016, I can't change any of that. I can only be better. It's something I promise myself a lot, I know that. Most times I fail. But I'm also giving myself the gift of not being so hard on myself.

And you know why? It's because I'm still here. It's because if I get through the next day I am a better person. One day, one choice at a time.

And I'm 50! Can you believe it? There's a reason to celebrate life. I have great kids, great friends, a job that, for the most part, lets me be somewhat self-indulgent, a roof over my head, my health and sense of humour.

So if my angel numbers are telling me I'm in the flow, I'm kind of excited that the current has changed and I'm unsure where my new destination is. All I know is that I made it to the signpost on the side of the river that said 50 and I'm on my way to who knows where.

All I can do is sit back and enjoy the ride.

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