I was at school thing the other night and we were being regaled by tales of how wonderful the school was, our wonderful our daughters were, and how terribly well said school would prepare them for the future. I wasn't there for the sales pitch, there were practical things to get done, like talking to teachers to hear their sales pitch about why my daughter should do biology and not physics as she heads into her final two years of school. And I didn't need the sales pitch because I already know how wonderful my daughter is, and I'm quite fond of the school too. Sure, any educational institution will offer different things to different people, but this combination works well for us.
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But then amongst the slides in the fancy slideshow there was one that told us that being "good enough" was not enough, indeed the idea of being good enough was "dead". Pretty much you had no future at all if you were prepared to settle for the whole concept of "good enough".
Which of course I do.
Which of course, then, knowing that the school was advocating against the idea, got me a little bit cross.
I wanted to stand up and yell something out to all the wonderful, high-spirited, intelligent young women in the room (and their parents) that we all should embrace the whole idea of being "good enough".
Yes, some people would call me lazy, and plenty have, but really, how much pressure do we put on ourselves in the quest for perfection?
We're not perfect beings, we have flaws, and we fall short of being our best selves daily.
At least I do. Good on you if you don't, but I think you're full of it.
It's not that I'm saying you should be a slacker (yet again, there are times when that is okay too) but sometimes it's about prioritising.
Fairfax columnist Ben Pobjie wrote a brilliant piece this week about his brush with suicide and the shame of not being a good enough man. It was heart-breaking and harrowing. It touched on the idea that conceptions of manhood are a contributing factor in the high rate of male suicide.
Quoting sociologist Michael Flood, Pobjie wrote: "It's the idea that to be a man is to be tough, to be strong, to be invulnerable, to be heterosexual, to be in control, to avoid feelings, and so on [can] stuff up men's physical and emotional health".
What will the idea of what it means to be a young woman in the coming years mean for our daughters?
There was much talk of them being leaders and innovators and elite athletes and high achievers.
I wanted to yell out, "Hey girls, if you want to play fourth grade hockey for the rest of your lives, work in a job that you like, even if it means relatively poor pay, a job that gives you flexibility to spend time with your family, and really do nothing for the greater good, that is good enough".
Why, why, do we spend so much time setting up expectations, talking about what we should be doing, how much more we should be doing, comparing ourselves to others? Why can't we just say what you're doing now is perfectly okay.
The only expectation you should place on yourself is to live a good, authentic life, be who you are, not what someone else expects you to be.
That might take you 50 years to work out but you'll have so much fun figuring it out and that will be good enough.
There's a quote on my desk, I ripped it out of a magazine in 2008. It's faded and I can't even read who said the quote any more, but here it is:
"The most important thing she'd learned over the years that there was no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one."
Let's make that a good enough mother and be done.
And to all the daughters in the world. You are good enough too.
