There were all sorts of grisly dog-treat specials being sold at a stall on the threshold at yesterday's second and closing day of the Cocker Spaniel National 2012 Championships at EPIC. Cows' ears were $1.50 each (or 10 for $13.00), cows' hooves and pigs' trotters too were $1.50 each. ''And these,'' the amused female stall-holder explained, pointing at a tray of long, spindly, meaty things ''are bull's pizzles''.
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She chortled that ''boys wince a little'' when you tell them what they are and when they imagine dogs chewing on them.
Yes. Wincing as I left her, and my eyes watering a little, I crossed the threshold of the Mallee Pavilion and entered the surreal world of cocker spaniel breeders and their glossy, long-eared, velvet-jowled little creations.
One half of the pavilion was devoted to a big, spacious, tennis-court sized show ring where the judging was going on while the rest of the hall was a kind of temporary village of breeders and their dogs. One devoted corner was what presiding ACT organiser Lorraine Emerton called ''the beauty parlour'' where breeders clipped and sculpted their dogs ahead of show time. The whole venue smelled, intoxicatingly, of dogs.
More than 200 cocker spaniels were brought to the show from every state and territory in Australia. Parked outside the pavilion were lots of those absurd little caravans for dogs (some with spaniel pictures on the doors) that dog showing people use to transport their four-legged treasures to tournaments.
Yesterday morning's events were all about ''baby puppy bitches'' and if there is anything more beautiful on earth than spaniel puppies then this columnist doesn't know what it is.
One of the beauties of puppy judging is that the pups are naturally exuberant so that even if you wanted them to behave like robots you'd not be able to achieve it. Yesterday some of the dogs, even as imported, elite, spaniel-professorial British judge Lorraine Palmer cast her discerning eye over them, were all over their (inevitably female, expensively dressed, painstakingly groomed) owner-handlers like the proverbial rash. The owner-handlers usually returned the affection, giving proceedings a cute informality. At some elite dog shows those of us who are dog lovers worry a little about the groomed solemnity of the poor brutes as they are put though their poses, and worry if, away from the limelight, they lead properly knockabout doggy lives.
Anne Byrne of Melbourne's ''Suzie'' (grand name Ballyoran River of Dreams) won her age category. On a 10-point charm scale the little black and grey (blue roan was her official hue) 3½ months-old wonderpuppy was a 15 and yet, I quizzed her owner, (as Suzie nibbled at the blue and gold first prize rosette she'd just won) sheer charm had probably counted for nothing with the judge. ''No,'' the proud Byrne confirmed, ''she [Suzie] won because she's well-boned in the legs and because she's got very good angulation and she's lovely shouldered. And her head's not pointy. And she's got beautiful eyes and a beautiful expression.'' And back home in Melbourne Suzie has several hectares across which she's free to roam like a true dog, although she won't get far, yet, on such cute little legs.
''You're wearing cocker spaniel earrings!'' I exclaimed to purple-haired Jana Berg of Mittagong.
''I've got cocker spaniel everything'' she boasted, and indeed she was presiding inside the pavilion over a stall of cocker spaniel merchandise. The owner of Jana's Creations (''I'm on Facebook''), she had for sale cocker spaniel vases, towels, quilts, jewellery, shirts (purple, embossed with golden spaniel heads), bookends, queen-sized bedspread/quilts, and a big menagerie of statuettes and ornaments. She makes most of her cocker paraphernalia but the statuettes are collected. ''I've been collecting for years. I have hundreds more [statuettes and cocker spaniel ornaments] at home.''
Back in the ring another category of puppies was being judged, puppies kissing their owners/handlers and sometimes being kissed back.
''They're a very kissy dog,'' Lorraine Emerton opined as we looked on at the fond exchanges of saliva going on in the ring. I wondered why every human in the ring was gorgeously dressed. Does the judge notice it?
''She's not supposed to,'' Emerton thought, ''but you really do have to dress up. Once upon a time you just wore jeans and T-shirts but now you've got the $300 suits and the $100 shoes. And it sets off the dogs, doesn't it? It's part of the package.''
''It's the icing on the cake,'' a dolled up owner-handler nearby volunteered.
Yes, in the ring the complete ''cake'' of a glitteringly lovely woman and her jet black, eight months old puppy, wrestled affectionately. And sure enough this dog duly won the first prize rosette.
In a dangerously fanatical world the harmless fanaticism of dog-ownership is a beautiful thing and one left the pavilion stained but buoyed.
