YOU ARE? Rohan Bownds. I'm Collingwood's head trainer and masseur. I do the player appearances, I do welfare stuff in terms of medical things. I'm just a go-to person, I do the jobs no one else wants to do.
TIME AT CLUB: Twenty-five years. I started as a trainer for the under-19s. I got promoted to the reserves my very first night because we'd lost so many trainers. When Shawry [Tony Shaw] took over I went to the seniors, and when Mick [Malthouse] came on board they made my role full-time.
WHY DO YOU DO WHAT YOU DO? I wasn't much good at playing, but I'm good at helping people. All my family was Fitzroy except for me and my grandfather. I played Little League for Collingwood because I lied about where I lived. My aunt and uncle used to live in Clifton Hill so I used their address, and my mum and dad would drive me from Glen Waverley to train.
AN AVERAGE DAY: I get in about 6am most days, get myself organised, then I might have a run or a walk just to get my system clear and then the boys start coming in.
HAVE YOU EVER HAD TIME OUT? I have. I was sick a few years ago. Not many people know, but I've had three lots of cancer situations. I'd go and get treatment and come in here and there weren't many people who knew over the years that I did it. That was my choice.
HOW HAS THE INNER SANCTUM CHANGED? When I first started there were so many things politically incorrect around the place. Nowadays it's just a better system. We are far more caring. It's a sign that our game's better and that the clubs are better.
YOU SAW NATHAN BUCKLEY WALK IN. DESCRIBE HIM THEN: Focused, committed and maybe not very tolerant of people who were not as focused and committed as him.
AND NOW? A listener. Just changed completely. He's still driven, he's still focused but, I don't know, he has learnt and grown up.
WHAT ABOUT CHRIS TARRANT? Oh, he's a new bloke. Totally different, in my opinion. He probably walked into the club at 17 and was going to be the saviour. Certain things happened and, I don't know, maybe there were cover-ups and things got away with.
SOME SAY PLAYERS ARE MOLLY-CODDLED: Yeah, I'd agree. And I'm part of that system. I reckon in the past we've done too much for them. I think it's starting to get better.
THE MOST ECCENTRIC PERSON YOU'VE ENCOUNTERED? Paul Medhurst. I only saw him a couple of weeks ago, we had breakfast in Perth. He'd be trying to assess your aura. He's alternative. He's into healing. I think he brought something different to this football club.
WEIRDEST JOB YOU'VE DONE? Daics [Peter Daicos] one day started a game, called me out, said ''I forgot to take my teeth out'' and gave me his teeth. His front ones were false and he never used to play with them.