Monday"Dear diary, how I've missed you. Too many weeks away selling this ungrateful territory to the United States. Trade mission? I'd like to trade the lot of them. Plus Katy breathing down my neck. I get back to the office and she's changed all the preferences on the laptop!
"One lousy power station and you'd think the world was ending. Anyone who can't tell the difference between site facilitation and site selection needs their head read. Sometimes I don't think they deserve me.
"Anyway, I showed those Libs at that silly estimates hearing today. Left them speechless. Zed isn't even sure where he lives any more.
"More tomorrow, dear diary. Jon."
Tuesday
Paul Keating is mentioned as a possible "face" to market Australia to the British as a tourism destination, but Belinda Neal reckons she's really the one putting the place on the map.
"I want to promote the Central Coast especially," she says, "the wining, dining and dancing opportunities are superb, although I'd rather not comment further because of the ongoing police investigation, other than to say the Poms would be right at home on the soccer fields around here as well."
It's reported that George W. Bush is considering writing a memoir. Patriotically, bookshops across the United States start ordering more remainder bins.
Wednesday
"Dearest diary, my only truly trusted confidant.
"They are such, such ungrateful swine!!
"Now it's a vote of no confidence in MY leadership! How dare they. Katy offered me a 'sympathetic' pat on the back today. I could almost feel the daggers.
"The only comfort, apart from you dear diary, has been Belinda. We've struck up a funny, unlikely correspondence, sharing our woes. I feel she is a much misunderstood person, like myself.
"Until tomorrow, dependable D.
"J."
Thursday
Ten of Australia's favourite sounds are entered into the national registry at the National Film and Sound Archive.
Various advertising jingles feature, but some of the more obscure, and particularly Canberra noises, include: the sound of a penny dropping when an unpopular political leader realises the Newspoll results aren't going to get any better; the sound collective ambition makes when political rivals realise the leadership prize might finally be within their reach; the mad scrambling sound as said rivals fight for the prize, including the squawking noises the rivals make as they phone around canvassing support; and the final noise of irrelevance a former leader makes as he sinks into oblivion.
One from the "It Made Sense at the Time" basket: residents in Canberra's inner south were left in the dark by the Great Street Lamp Swap, which is ACT Planning's latest bright idea to move heritage light polls from Narrabundah to Kingston's Kennedy Street. Weird.
Friday
"D ear diary, nothing works any more!
"I consulted my magic book for a spell to cast a plague of boils onto the Opposition and The Canberra Times. I went to enormous trouble had to find where Zed lived so I could pinch a lock of his hair.
"But during the incantation 'Canberra wankers' must have come out sounding like 'Canberra Raiders', and look what's happened!
"Had to then grovel to Katy for help reversing the spell. All very embarrassing. Will face vote of no confidence next Wednesday. Sharpening up wand in preparation.
"Belinda has been a great help, using the down time she's been having this week researching new and unusual spells that we're sure Zed and his lot won't have an answer for."
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