There's nothing like a quick game of 20 questions to fill the morning commute. Rapid fire from the backseat, I sometimes feel I'm auditioning for the Einstein Factor, my special category would be "Preschooler logic", and I'd be a guaranteed winner because with preschoolers there are no wrong answers. Just when you think you have things under control, when you've actually researched why the sky is blue - because the shortest wavelengths of transmitted light are on the blue end of the spectrum - the kids come at you with questions impossible to answer. Particularly while you're trying to concentrate on not rear-ending the car in front of you.
All these questions came in one car trip, of probably about 20 minutes, now that I think about it. Here, with the bonus of time to actually think about it, I'll respond as every parent should - with an answer. Children's questions deserve an answer. It shows that you're listening for a start and even if the answer's not right - think Great Wall of China and rabbits for example - your kid will still think you're pretty clever. And isn't that why we have them in the first place?
1. Who'd win a fight between Spiderman and Batman? Spiderman. His skin tight red suit is better for a start and Batman is nothing without his utility belt.
2. Who'd win a fight between Superman and the Ninja Turtles? Ninja Turtles. Four dudes will always beat one dude, especially one who wears his undies on the outside.
3. Who'd win a fight between Kung Fu Panda and Ben 10? Money's on the bear. Loved the fact that he sat on people as a tactic. Ben wouldn't be able to reach the Omnitrex to use it.
4. Can you really dig your way to China? I suppose so, it would just take a very long time.
5. Why do Chinese people live in China? Because they don't live in Egypt.
6. Is Beijing on the other side of the world? Technically, no. It's probably North America. But it could just as well be.
7. What's the most dangerous thing in the world? Hard to answer. Mum when she's in a bad mood, snakes, spiders, those little nasty jelly fish things ... decided it was hurricanes on this trip. Don't ask me why, I'm in a bad mood.
8. What's more dangerous, thunder or lightning? I'd have to say lightning. Can thunder actually harm you?
9. Is a treestorm dangerous? What's a treestorm?
10. Are motorbikes dangerous? They can be if driven irresponsibly.
11. How can motorbikes go on one wheel? See above answer.
12. Can motorbikes jump things? As much as I wanted to introduce my five-year-old son to the wonder of Evil Knievel (you should see the joy on his face when he clears gutters on his pushbike) I was a responsible parent and referred back to question 10.
13. Why do trucks have so many wheels? To run over rabbits with.
14. Can trucks jump things? There'd be a lot more rabbits in the world if they could.
15. Why can't you drive on the otherside of the road? Because there are too many rabbits on the other side of the road
16. Are cars faster than aeroplanes? Only if rabbits are driving.
17. What can run faster, a cheetah or a leopard? First guess would be cheetah. Research shows that cheetahs can run up to 100km/h, leopards about 70. Go with the gut.
18. What can run faster, an elephant or a rhinoceros? My guess would have been an elephant but rhinos can in fact get up to 60km/h, whereas elephants clock their top speed around 40km/h. Either way, don't piss one off enough to find out.
19. Could a cheetah eat a dinosaur? Why else do you think they're extinct.
20. What's the strongest thing in the world? This one's the easiest to answer. A mother's love for the little dufus in the back seat.