The problem with Valentine’s Day is not the commercialisation of love, but how it divides people in society. Yes, yes, I know what you’re thinking. Another raving blogger who is still bitter about receiving a “practical” computing book instead of roses last year. But I’m fine. Really. I’m making progress with my shrink. And my computing and typing skillz aaare improovign biyond beliiefe.
No, what I’m talking about is how Valentines Day brings into sharp focus people who will always be separated into two camps: the unattached (Singletons) and the attached (Smug Couples).
Singletons, especially Female Singletons, have to endure invasive questions all year, like, “How long have you been single for again?” and comments like, “You know, maybe if you stopped buying so much takeaway and learned to cook, you might actually catch a man.” No longer just relegated to the annoying aunty at Christmas, it seems once you hit 30 a woman’s ovaries are everyone’s business.
But Valentine’s Day is especially painful for Singletons, as their attached friends blithely ask, “So any plans for this weekend?” and then realising their grave error, quickly correct themselves, “Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot, you won’t have any plans.”
But no one should really be pining for the grass on the other side. Although Smug Couples excel at making offhand remarks about rose-strewn pathways leading to candlelit dinners and diamond rings glinting at the bottom of tall champagne flutes, in truth, the attached are wildly jealous of the unattached.
Smug Couples fantasise that Singletons are having much more fun than them at one of those D&D balls in their masks and frothy gowns and stiff tuxes. But the name itself – Desperate & Dateless – is a bit of a fallacy. Rather than being dateless, a Singleton can dance with up to 50 other Singletons. No wonder whipping around the dance floor seems infinitely more attractive than gazing into the same man or woman’s eyes you have been gazing into for 10 years.
But the reality is that Singletons gave up D&D balls years ago, the first time they were whirled into the wall by an overenthusiastic date and instead spend Valentine’s Day making heart shapes out of cat biscuits for their furry friends, only to burst into tears when their cat, with a flash of its tail, whips the biscuits into a shape more resembling a broken heart.
And Smug Couples shouldn’t really be so smug either. It is a bit sad that we have to have a day to remind people to be romantic. If you have been with someone for a long time and know they secretly think their ability to burp Waltzing Matilda will make them a star on Channel 7 show Australia’s Got Talent, how do you conjure up the romance?
Is it really as simple as polishing the crystal and silverware and cooing, “Dinner’s on love?” The response will most likely be grunts that vaguely resemble, “I’m watching the footy.”
Maybe the answer is to realise that Singletons and Smug Couples really aren’t that dissimilar. The attached and the unattached all want love, but why should the definition of love be limited to syrupy Hallmark cards?
Valentine’s Day should really be renamed Real Love Day, to include cats, friends, family, that old lady on the bus who always says hello, and not just romantic love, which we know is often far from romantic when the baby is yelling at 3 in the morning.
So here’s for it: Real Love Day.