And, yes, the young and pretty Chinese women who had to strip for the top job of leading athletes into the stadium might find naked photos of themselves ending up mysteriously on the internet unless they pay up to "government officials." But, you know, Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt might have tripped and needed to grab onto a perfect breast. And we all know unsteady on his feet he is. I heard they used to call him the King of Klutz at school.

Besides, we can hardly chastise China when our female athletes’ uniforms keep shrinking at alarming rates.

As one reader "Cooper" lamented on a blog about female beach volleyballers having to wear bikinis: "I've seen more ass shots of women than I care to, while at the same time not being able to get near enough ass shots of Phelps."

This may be true, but at least women are now allowed to compete and not relegated to catch-and-marry-the-champion (if indeed we were allowed in the stands), as we used to be in the ancient games.

So if female beach volleyballers have to wear microscopic bikinis (OK, OK: no wider than six centimetres at the hip) while the men get to hang loose in singlets and shorts, then fine.

Speaking of which, one weekend I watched a rather baffling Seven "special segment" on beach volleyball. Australians dressed in green and gold and draped in flags, cheered and goggled good-naturedly at the strange dancing bikini girls and the Australian Olympic team, who, also in bikinis, were not easily identifiable as elite athletes.

The Seven host went around making inane chitchat with the Aussies and locals and actually broached the subject of bikinis with one young Chinese woman.

The conversation went something like this:

Seven host: "Is bikini culture big in Beijing?"

The young woman furrowed her brow, considered this and looked like she was about to give a serious answer that would take into account Beijing’s smoggy haze, its proximity to the nearest beach and her own inclination towards wearing bikinis at her yuppie friends’ rooftop pool parties.

Then she appeared to change her mind and simply answered, "No."

Perhaps it could all be summed up by one remarkably honest Aussie bloke, who, when asked if he was having a good time, answered, "Blue skies, beautiful weather, girls in bikinis; what could be better?"

The entire male beach volleyball team in Speedos, or (gulp) completely starkers, as the athletes used to be way back when? Now if only we could get some damn women or old-school Greek nudists on the International Volleyball Federation board and make it "regulation."