Christopher Pyne and Tony Abbott. Photo: Alex Ellinghausen
Er. What just happened? As best anyone can tell Toned Abs and his jaunty little puppet Pynocchio put on a show where they promised to do one thing, then they said they’d do another thing, and then they denied they’d even said the first thing, but at the very last moment they did an actual backflip thing, and got very cross with everyone for not understanding that when they’d said they’d do first thing they meant the second thing before suddenly doing the first thing anyway.
The backflip analogy, by the way, has been approved by pedants everywhere because a backflip, as any pedant will tell you, leaves you standing exactly where you were, facing in exactly the same direction as when you started. As when, for instance, you promised to implement the educational reforms recommended by the Gonski Report, and then turned around and refused to, and then folded like a cheap Chinese umbrella and muttered something about doing all that stuff anyway as long as nobody called it Gonski because… er, shut up you! Nobody understands!
Oh, and the International Panel of Eminent Pedants would also like to point out that the Prime Minister and his needle nosed puppet did not actually break any promises when they "promised" to implement the educational reform first promised by the Labor Government, as long as it was the case that they were actually just lying through their arses and never intended to implement the damned thing anyway.
Promising to go the full Gonski wasn’t a promise, it was a just a lie.
So there. Stupid voters. Stupid media. Making the Abs look all stupid and shifty.
And if you understand all of this, perhaps you’d like to be Education Minister in Queensland where there’s a vacant space otherwise known as John-Paul Langbroek otherwise occupying the education portfolio. While his LNP colleagues down south were "bleating" about being lied to and dudded by their federal colleagues, they were missing the bigger picture. Taking all of those tainted commonwealth dollars for edumucating the poorest sooty faced urchins in the state school systems was only creating a sooty faced urchin shortage in future and signing away the state's precious precious freedoms to not spend no money on edumucation.
So, yeah, if anyone can explain what just happened, I’d be forever grateful.