Yes, we have been shamed, controlled, patrolled.

What we wear. How we speak. How we look. What kinds of jobs we should go for. Whether we should drink (ooh, much less than men) or eat (don't put that in your mouth, darling, you'll get fat). What time we should get home at night. Don't send photos of your glorious naked bosom because they could fall into the wrong hands. Or are in the wrong hands.

So the truth is out there. It's not us women. It's you. Men. Some women have described this hateful male behaviour as "toxic masculinity" but you won't get out of it that easily with my permission. Toxic masculinity makes it sound like there is some other kind, along the lines of the "not all men" argument.

Now it's our turn to take charge.

My hunch, all along, that it is indeed all men who behave this way has been illustrated by the remarks of Republican presidential nominee(!) Donald Trump. Tapes revealed he said he could get away with grabbing "pussy" because he was a star. Men, sadly, are so bad at policing and that includes policing their own unacceptable behaviour. It's not just that this is a terrible for a politician. It's terrible for a person.

And is it all men? In the past few days, we've heard eminent person after eminent person say that this is how men speak to each other in private. It's "banter". It's "locker room behaviour" or what we in Australia call the change room. They don't really mean it. But they do mean it and our society suffers. We need to make change and here's the answer.

Men and boys, you need chaperones.

Which is why the time has come for the handcuffs to be handed over. Curfews to be set. New steps.

I am thrilled to learn University of Melbourne academic Elise Holland thinks I'm on to something. She has researched objectification for more than seven years across several continents and the women she has studied report that, on average, they experience this male behaviour every couple of days. And that's just what they actually notice. Who knows what's going on behind them?

Now Holland is about to start a study about the impact the presence of women has on male behaviour, on "locker room banter".

"These are the things men say when they are among other groups of men. I think men find it difficult to say that's not OK and to challenge the status quo."

Her research stemmed from conversations she had with her male friends who confessed that it's hard to intervene in conversations like that. It's hard to challenge those dominant norms of male bonding, where you are supposed to be masculine and dominant.

So what's her hypothesis?

"Men would be more cautious about what they say in front of a woman."

If Holland's hypothesis holds true, then we have an instant fix for appalling male behaviour. Just to be clear, this is not what Holland has found yet – but if she does, the answer is in front of us. We put women in charge of everything. No men in groups would be allowed to proceed unaccompanied unless going to a cubicle on their own.

Oh yep. I hear it. I know. Men are objectified too. Of course they are, what with their cute earlobes and everything. But as Holland makes clear: "The ramifications are much less severe. Even if men are objectified, the negative consequences are much less pronounced for men than for women."

Let's be honest, women don't objectify men in the same way that men objectify women. We don't reduce them to their bodily parts in quite the same way. And it's not done in that way that leaves a woman feeling utterly terrified.

Seriously, I can't imagine ever saying the words: "Grab them by the weenie." Or salami. Or snakey. I just can't. Grab a groin is slightly catchier but sadly gender neutral. Pinch a penis perhaps?

And I have evidence about the ubiquity of this style of remark from the doyenne of shock politics, Senator Pauline Hanson. Her remarks on Monday were persuasive. Hanson said of the Trump remarks: "It was said, not on camera, it was said behind the scenes and was a tape recording. There are a lot of men out there that say horrific things."

Then, strangely, she said: "There are serious problems facing the US . . . and it is up to the people to decide." As if sexual abuse of women is not a serious problem. Would someone please tell Hanson that a woman ends up in hospital in Australia every three hours as a result of family violence.

Senator David Leyonhjolm said: "Well, he is 70 years old and saying stuff – I mean, what he said was pretty distasteful, quite frankly – but saying stuff like that used to be a lot more common than it is these days.

"He is a man of his times, perhaps. So perhaps you could cut him a little bit of slack. A lot of nasty things are said about men, too, incidentally."

Yes, bad things are said about men. That's mostly because they are true. Men make up the vast – vast – majority of murderers, of rapists, of paedophiles. They don't make up the majority of rape victims or of those who are killed by their partners.

And there's one way to make sure that stops. Start policing men. There's an army of women ready to volunteer.

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