So, a cautionary tale. This is not just for selectors in the Liberal Party, the results of whose conscious bias shapes our future by shaping our politicians. It is for every man who has ever been on a selection panel of any kind, anywhere. Or for every man who thinks the only way he can connect with women is to discuss the kids. The story I am about to tell you happened just a few months ago at a multinational near you. You use its products every day. In fact, it's impossible not to.

I have had to slightly change the circumstances so you will never know who this wonderful woman is. I don't want to make her working life any harder than it is.

The woman in question is one of the smartest, funniest people I know. The fact that she has a vagina out of which she has squeezed two small people should be irrelevant. Her husband has never been asked these questions in all his working life.

So, she's having lunch with an old mate (OM) who happens to be male. They are comparing iPhotos of their children. Her senior manager (SM) walks past the restaurant table and stops to chat, looks at the phones and says: "Whose kids are those?". SFW (Smart Funny Woman) replies: "The twins are mine". SM says: "I didn't know you had children. Who looks after them?". SFW says: "They go to daycare". SM: "I've always thought daycare was stressful for kids. How many days do they go?". SFW: Five days.

SM and OM: Silence. SFW kept smiling.

There is no question that men in charge hire people just like them. They promote people just like them. They socialise with people just like them. The next time you use the phrase "unconscious bias", wash your mouth out. There is nothing unconscious in wanting to hire a clone of yourself with your values and your views.

They don't want to work with anyone whose lives are less tidy, more uncertain and much more demanding. They want to make sure that the other cogs operate just the way they do.

Which is why the Liberal preselectors were able to get away with asking questions that should have set off the alarm bells in any professional organisation.

Do you want children?

If you have children, who looks after them?

Who cooks the family meals?

How will you manage work-life balance?

I swear to god, my own husband has never been asked about work-life balance. Neither has the husband of SFW (see above). SFW should be working in an environment where no one thinks that kind of dialogue is OK. Yes, that includes the kinds of comments which are made in a social setting. They make impact which goes beyond the social setting.

SM is Judgy McJudgypants with power and control. SFW is an employee. What her boss thinks about her personal choices should never be part of the conversation.

We already know it's not acceptable to say to colleagues: "I'm hot for you". We know it's not acceptable to make remarks which are racist or bigoted or which suggest that a disability will make it hard for employees to do their work.

But sexism? It's so everyday, so engrained in our language, that men don't think twice.

Every single day, in workplaces all over Australia, some idiot asks: "How will you manage work-life balance?". Does that mean female and male colleagues can't connect in a social setting?

Maybe.

For myself, I have never wanted to drink in a pub with workmates and I can think of nothing worse than playing touch football. The prospect of a day on a golf course makes me puke. I cannot stand all-day retreats - they are a way of keeping you separated from your real life in a way I can't replicate on the weekends. My work life is always by my side. Bosses who ask you to do these things are imposing a workplace worldview which is outmoded and unhelpful.

The senior manager in question, the man who was judging SFW's life choices, is widely considered to be a top bloke. By other blokes. That's because their ability to do their job is always considered to be unencumbered by their ability to produce babies. Now we hear Daniel Andrews has mandated a 50 per cent gender split for new appointments on public boards in Victoria. This is brilliant. It will, says Claire Braund of Women On Boards, make a really big difference. "When the Premier signs on, everyone else has to sign on too," she says.

But let's make sure that when they get there, the discussion will be beyond work-life balance. Or else I'm sure we can develop a few questions to ask men. Maybe: "When did you last feed your kids?" Or even: "When are their birthdays?" That's always a good one.

Twitter @jennaprice or email jenna_p@bigpond.net.au