Upstairs outside, meaning a breast grope but fully clothed. Then upstairs inside, otherwise called a norg. Downstairs outside was, from what I recall, a dry rub, much like what we sprinkle on chicken these days. And downstairs inside made it quite clear that the eagle – or something similar – had landed.

I have no nostalgia for that time, fraught with secrecy and shame, particularly if you had a soaring libido. But much much worse if you were gay.

Sadly, the memories of shame attached to sexuality rushed back, prompted by the utterly appalling comments made to Buzzfeed journalist Lane Sainty by Queensland state politician Shane Knuth, a member of Katter's Australian Party. Knuth and Robbie Katter voted against bringing in equal age of consent laws for anal sex. Their reason?

"We just don't believe it, do not support it, and never will support it.

"We, you know, believe a relationship should be between a man and a woman. We've always stood our ground on this."

Anal sex, apparently, is a gateway for sexual predators. More of that later.

Now my experience of anal sex is very limited so I spent Sunday interviewing people who might possibly be experts in the area, either in their personal lives or who research the area. Yep, that's anecdata, speaking to those who are happy to talk about their sex lives with perfect strangers, mixed with data, which clearly these Queensland politicians have never bothered to examine.

So let's be clear about this. Straight people, gay people, people who don't sign up to either of those groups, engage in anal sex.

You may imagine that anal sex is the key tool of sexual intimacy for gay men but the actual data tells us that one in five gay men don't have anal sex with their partners. Ever. I spoke to gay men who said they had never had any interest, don't find it pleasurable. It's the agreement they have come to in their relationships.

Straight people also have anal sex and the incidence of that is increasing rapidly. Chris Rissel, professor of public health at the University of Sydney, the co-author of the Second Australian Study of Health and Relationships, says one in five women and one in four men report a lifetime experience of anal intercourse with a heterosexual partner. In the time between the first report in 2004, to the most recent in 2014, there's been an increase of about 30 per cent in incidence of heterosexual anal sex, for men and women.

Rissel says it's increasingly part of the sexual repertoire.

"It's not uncommon as one might imagine . . . you can't say definitively say but it might be increased prevalence of pornography."

Over the course of our lives, unless we are very unlucky, our sexual practice varies. We end up discovering, if we are very lucky, what brings us pleasure and what doesn't. We develop skills to say that one approach feels good and one doesn't. We are able to say no to things which hurt.

Is anal sex a gateway for homosexuality?

Garrett Prestage, an associate professor at the University of Sydney, is clear on this: "Sexual behaviour is what it is and people are going to engage whatever some other people might think."

As he points out, the average age of becoming sexually active for homosexually active men is below the age of consent anyway, 15, but they don't start anal sex until they are 18 or 19.

Which is pretty much the way it works for those of us interested in the opposite sex too. We start to get stirrings way before we act on those feelings. You don't have cheerful consensual sex the first time you realise you are interested. As Christopher Fox, the national chairperson of the Society of Australian Sexologists says: "Our first sexual experiences are in our heads."

In our heads. Not elsewhere. And Fox is somewhat puzzled by the concept that anal sex is used as a recruiting tool. He says anal sex is not an introductory practice and, as I said right up the top, some gay men never do it and don't like it.

He's counselling a gay couple right now for whom this is a key issue in their relationship.

And surprise! "It's about negotiation. Is [anal play] a deal breaker? Instead, it is about the negotiation of love and intimacy."

Anal sex is not for everyone. It can hurt unless you use love, patience and the reverse Russian doll method. And you must always be able to say no to anything you don't enjoy. But far more than the physical activity of anal sex, which so many of us try whether we are gay, straight, whatever, is the way the behaviour and attitudes of Knuth reflects on gay men. One of the men I spoke to this week – and thanks to all of you – was devastated by the conversation which he said was really just an excuse to spread hatred of – and misinformation about – gay men in the run-up to a planned vote on equal marriage. It is, he said, just another way of sowing fear and distrust. A way of saying: "Homosexuals. We recruit."

He asked: "The real question is this, are gay people acceptable, are they tolerated?"

Whether you are gay, straight or something different, the acts that lead to your first sexual act are biologically a little different – but what happens in the head or heart are very much the same, whoever you love.

And love is more than acceptable.

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