That was the summary after speaking to Carlo DiClemente, in Australia this month to give the keynote speech at the Australian Psychological Society's annual conference. Scary, because I am all those things. Love the new and shiny. Too much of a risk taker for a woman of my celebrated age. The good news for me at least is that I've managed to fend off most of my bad habits because of Carlo's advice.

He has worked on how to kick addictions for more than 30 years now and says there are five speedy stages to winning the battle. Actually, not a single one of the stages is speedy; or even easy, but a very helpful guide on how to stop doing what's killing you.

The first stage, with which we are all familiar, is pre-contemplation. We are not seriously thinking about making changes. For decades, I accepted and even ignored the fact that I was obese. No-one and nothing could make me interested in engaging with the problem. That's what leads to stage two. As DiClemente says, "I would have to get you interested or concerned."

That's when we start to look at risk and rewards, do a cost benefit analysis, start thinking about change to see whether it's what you really want to do. Or not. In my case, I spent 40 years telling myself that being fat didn't matter. It was, I said, possible to be both fat and happy. And fat and fit. Unfortunately, we don't yet have longitudinal studies which tell us whether those people who are both fat and have good cardiovascular fitness experience longer lives. But we do know that, as an overview, those who are fat die younger. That's not fat shaming. That's a fat fact. Stage two is deciding that you have all the information and you are about to try to change. It's also about deciding whether rejecting your addiction will mean losing all your friends – you have to have a personal reason to stop eating, drinking, using. And your plan has to be important to you. In my case, I was very keen not to see my carefully harvested superannuation funding anyone else's holidays but mine. Secretly, I also hope to be a grandmother should any of my darling children feel like indulging me.

The next stage is the most irritating – how do you get ready to change? How do you prepare yourself? How do you build commitment? How do you make a good plan that DiClemente describes as "effective, adaptable, accessible"?

That's a bloody good question – and in my case, I could never have done it without professional help. I needed to consult with both a nutritionist and an exercise physiologist because I had no real understanding of what my body really needed in terms of food and exercise. I'd binged on food for so long and starved myself of movement for so long that I truly had no idea about what I needed to do. The other thing was the addiction underlying the addiction – in my case, a fierce desire for sweet. Turns out that lots of people have that.

So, between the nutritionist who told me that dates were as good as chocolate and I could have three every day; and the exercise physiologist who told me all movement was good, I could move on to stage four.

That's the stage which actually means you are implementing your changes in behaviour. I joined a gym. I thought about what I ate, as opposed to thinking about wanting to eat. And I did it every day. Here's another strange thing – when you start to do the new behaviour, it becomes an encouragement in itself.

DiClemente has some useful advice at this stage – especially for people who fall off the wagon, or the treadmill, or the mattress. You have to be able to respond to your attempts. What he says is that most of us just give up if it doesn't work on our first try – but it's the ability to adapt which makes permanent change possible.

"Most people give up the change, rather than revise the plan," he says.

And how do you continue to do the right thing? He says it's good to have data, particularly if you are trying to change a hard behaviour like drug, alcohol or food addiction. You should also be doing the new behaviour for some time before you imagine you can just maintain or sustain the change.

"It needs to become second nature, you need to be able to say, 'This is my lifestyle, I am going to keep changing this'.

"The new behaviour needs to be the new norm."

Six years on since losing the first of many kilos, I still love to eat but I've (mainly) learnt to do it in moderation. My family and friends have been supportive – and that includes Mr Skinny reminding me that we need to go to the gym most days. Fine for him to say. He's been fit forever.

Carlo DiClemente is now focusing on new work about how we self-regulate; and that's the biggest challenge of all.

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