Congratulations, people of NSW, Victoria, Tasmania, SA and the ACT! Today is a glorious annual celebration upon which the rest of the nation are totally missing out.
Sucked in, WA. Too bad, Queensland. You still here, Northern Territory?
Those regions all woke up this morning at the usual time and had to drag themselves out of bed and start yet another soul-sucking week in the long, slow trudge from here to the welcome embrace of the grave.
But not the states and territories that celebrate Daylight Savings, no sir - and that's because we all celebrated that annual joy-fest that is Annual Daylight Savings Accidental Productivity Day!
Yes, the majority of the nation enjoyed a spring in our collective step thanks to a little something that we like to call "moving the hands of a clock one rotation back".
That's because at 2am on Sunday morning our clocks all magically struck 1am, again. And that meant that we all leapt out of bed to discover that it was really an hour earlier than our body clocks had told us it was. In other words, we were enjoying superhuman levels of amazing efficiency!
Chances are we even got an early night because, like our microwaves and car dashboards, our internal clocks hadn't adjusted. And then this morning we all found ourselves waking naturally before our alarms went off, with eyes bright and tails excitingly bushy.
How wonderous! How rare! We even got to indulge in the annual fantasy that we'd keep this up!
"I should get up at this hour every day!" we all adorably told ourselves as though the entire previous span of our lives had taught us nothing. "I could go for a run! I could get into the office early! I could make sweet, sweet love to my equally-perky partner/s! I could do literally anything with this infinite bonus hour that spreads before me like an eternity! My new life starts today!"
Of course, by Tuesday you'll be back to miserably normal and the very idea of waking without a screeching alarm will seem as implausible as telepathy.
Your return to baseline will have started with work ending an hour after your blood sugar started demanding answers as to why you're not having dinner yet, before being finished by leaving work as the inky blackness of night descends like a giant damp blanket to smother your hopes and dreams. By 10pm you'll be scrolling through emails on your phone and wondering why a day that started with such promise is taking so goddamn long to end.
But for one glorious morning you'll have sensed the tantalising possibility of a life where you're not utterly exhausted all the time and where life isn't a matter of struggling through an endless Sisyphean ordeal before eventually succumbing to the sweet release of death.
And of course there's the flipside: that morning in six months time when the clocks jump forward and you realise that it's basically already midday and you're now late for everything forever. The clock giveth, and the clock taketh away.
The lesson here is simple: not only should we never move our clocks back, we should adopt daylight saving across the board. And the government should be forcing it on us every few weeks to give us the illusion that we're getting up earlier and earlier. Just think of the efficiency!
Every week we could agree to turn back time by an hour and thus leap from our beds each Monday with a renewed sense of purpose. Or hell, maybe even a couple of hours, so we can still get a bit of a lie in.
Sure, it might confuse those of us with cats that expect to be fed on a universal schedule or infants whose grasp of time is largely based on the mysterious seasons of screaming demands to be fed every few hours, but these are small sacrifices toward the greater goal of national efficiency.
And technically this would mean Australia would end up going backwards before too long, but looking at the plans for penalty rates and corporate tax cuts that are pure trickle-down Reaganonics, that seems to be the Coalition's overall plan regardless.
After all, Cher seemed to think that turning back time was a pretty great idea. You calling Cher a liar, daylight savings? Yeah, didn't think so.
The latest edition of The Double Disillusionists podcast is out now through iTunes and Omny, with Andrew P Street, Dom Knight and special guest Mark Humphries (SBS's The Feed). Tickets are now available for the Double Disillusionists live at Giant Dwarf on Tuesday 4 April with guests The Chaser's Chris Taylor and Sydney Morning Herald's Jacqueline Maley.