Dammit Abbott, it's a rocky horror show
Our wedding to Prime Minister Tony Abbott and Treasurer Joe Hockey turns rocky horror show in the Budget 2014. With Rocco Fazzari and Denis Carnahan.PT1M42S http://www.canberratimes.com.au/action/externalEmbeddedPlayer?id=d-38qjm 620 349 May 22, 2014
My, my, aren't the little piggies squealing?
While peals of distress issue from the electorate over the federal budget, I'm moved to ask the 53.49 per cent of people who voted for the Coalition - "what did you expect?"
Of course, rusted-on conservatives knew what they were getting with Abbott and are no doubt shifting an extra $50K into their trust or super fund to cover the uptick in junior's uni fees. They saw this coming, it's just what they ordered.
The swinging voter. Photo: Ron Tandberg
However, the millions of Australians who've now staggered away from the government - like drunks leaving a CBD nightclub stunned beers cost $15 - dropping the Coalition's primary vote to 35 per cent? What did they expect?
While the rest of the globe battled debt crises and stagnating economies, did you sleepwalk through the election campaign? Do you need to be reminded who wears which colours on the field?
Conservatives don't get into politics to protect welfare benefits or uplift the poor, so why are you surprised a government comprised of them does neither?
Do you order burgers and complain they contain meat? Do you fly to Bali and plonk your porky patootie on the sands of Kuta and bleat you can't see La Tour Eiffel?
Cut welfare. Reward business. Downsize the public service. This is what the Coalition does, it's a national tradition. Or have you not being paying attention to the leopard's spots?
As Waleed Aly put it so succinctly yesterday: "You cannot rein in deficits and abolish two major taxes, and replace one of them with a climate change policy that costs billions and promise no tax hikes and quarantine education, health, defence, public broadcasting and pensions from cuts. That’s like a weight-loss diet that does away with protein but promises no cuts to cake and lard!"
But then little piggies don't worry about where the food is coming from, they only squeal when there's not enough. The ever-reliable self-interest of swinging voters delivered us an Abbott government because he promised the most and took nothing away.
They gorged on the fantasy of a family-size pizza with the lot, priced the same as garlic bread. Now it's been delivered cold and they see just how sparse those toppings are, how wispy the crust, how oily the cheese, and they have a national case of buyer's remorse.
Oh, petulant piggies.
Mike Carlton last week declared Tony Abbott's name is mud because of his broken election promises, yet the swinging voter swine who prepared the way for our begrimed PM have escaped all criticism.
What do you call an electorate so focused on today, it's happy to vandalise tomorrow, repealing the carbon and mining taxes?
"But Abbott lied!" they cry and, again, I ask, have you been paying attention?
It's what politicians do or have you forgotten Bob Hawke on child poverty, John Howard on the GST, Kevin Rudd on "the greatest moral challenge of our time" and Julia Gillard and the carbon tax?
And you're surprised?
Maybe you're also the type shocked a monarchist, former Roman Catholic seminarian PM who is anti-abortion would be dismissive of a pensioner augmenting her income talking to lonely masturbators on the phone?
The most dangerous porkies are the ones we tell ourselves.