Flashback ... True Blood pays tribute to possibly the longest lasting couple of the show, Terry and Arlene.
Hey, so, was it just me or did vengeful Eric totally just rip a guy's junk off? Like, clean off?
'Cause that was equal parts terrifying and sensational. Actually, no, it was just sensational.
But regarding this week's episode – and with apologies to “Blooders” who maybe aren't “Throners” as well – did anybody else think it had a bit of a Game of Thrones feel to it?
Kindness creeps back in ... Could Alcide rekindle his glamoured-away interest in Sookie?
It was almost as if producers had binged on a Thrones marathon, saw epic moments like Khal Drogo ripping a dude's tongue out and the Red Wedding and thought – hey, we're up to Episode 9, let's go nuts. Literally go nuts.
Because aside from the assault on Vamp Camp, it was almost a filler episode. There's not a lot to actually recap plot-wise – everybody remembers Terry Bellefleur and Vamp Camp is liberated.
So howsabout we do something a little different this week, and recap the best moments of the show.
10. Bill's fang boner
Apparently the sight of Sookie chomping at her own wrist is too much for Bill, who “drops fang” on her. Ewww. Sookie's trying to save Warlow, and tells Bill that Eric is surely more qualified to help him, given that Eric has virtually sucked Warlow dry. Sookie blasts Bill out of fairy wonderland with her light, but tells Warlow she does indeed plan to keep her promise to become his fairy vampire bride.
And I love how Warlow is forced to spend yet another episode just hanging out in soft-focus land. Sorry bud, you're just not relevant right now.
9. Carnage at Vamp Camp
The prop department at TB HQ sure had a busy week. So many dismembered bloody limbs liberally scattered around the silos of Vamp Camp.
We all knew only one person could be responsible, but geez, wasn't it helpful to have Bill do another grim, body-shirted pose and mutter “Eric”?
8. Terry's catfish conscience
It really was lovely to see Terry Bellefleur back in a series of flashback sequences, just to remind us how wonderful a character he was. Of course, we all knew he was a slightly crazed Iraqi war veteran, but his camouflaged mountain-man style was fresh and very endearing.
Sam Merlotte rocked a cut-off sweatshirt in that fishing scene, and Terry was just adorable when he demanded the gobbing catfish be thrown back into the water because “every life matters”. This whole episode was a celebration of his life, that one life.
Obviously the lives of all the creepy medicos at Vamp Camp don't matter, but hey, this is not their memorial.
7. Old lady racism
“There are a lot more Negroes here than I thought there would be!” proclaims the Bellefleur matriarch as Big John Dixon gets up to sing at Terry's funeral.
The rest of the family try to shush her, but it's that kind of character moment that's deliciously awkward – mostly because it's not your family member. Well, not yet.
Mrs Bellefleur also described Sookie as “that weirdo”, which was even more hilarious because it's totally true.
6. The Last Vampire Supper
I'm not sure why Bill couldn't find VENGEFUL ERIC . . . I mean, sure, Eric was rather possessed by the energy of fairies and the spirit of VENGEANCE, but you'd think Billith would be a match for that.
In the end he realises it's up to him, not Eric, to save his endangered brethren – after all, he's juiced up on fairy goodness himself.
So when the oculus over the sunroom opens, there is Bill, spread-eagled like an obscure Ikea dining table, with a dozen bloodsuckers re-enacting the adult version of Hungry Hungry Hippos upon his taut corpse.
5. Steve Newlin meets his maker
Steve wasn't able to take his place at the Billith Buffet.
It was yet another fail for the King of Epic Fails.
“You don't have a future,” growls VENGEFUL ERIC, before shoving Steve into the sunlight.
As he starts to burn, he sees Sarah's face above, and yells out “I love you . . . Jason Stackhouse!” A great way to go for that character.
4. Sarah smackdown
“Too f---ing slow, too f---ing evil!” cries Jason as he pelts after a still-bloodied Sarah Newlin.
Her plan in ruins, she resorts to using that great coverall excuse “God's work” to try to stop Jason from killing her. But he gets close. Oh so close. And you kind of want Jason to just fire that gun into her smug brain, but then you're glad he didn't. He still has some moral fibre, does our young Stackhouse.
3. Arlene gets some closure
Lafayette's flashback to teaching Terry how to cook fries was just gorgeous. But it was the interactions with Arlene that were heartbreaking – when Sookie read his mind when the pair first met and realised Terry loved her straightaway, and when Terry helped Arlene calm down so she could breastfeed newborn Mikey.
It was nice that Alcide turned up at the funeral as well. Pity about that whole rule about keeping your shirt on in a cemetery. I mean, I assume there is a rule, otherwise surely Alcide would've been expressing his condolences by quietly flexing.
2. Hippy trippy vampire frippy
Those vampires sure got drunk from Bill's blood cocktail. Seeing all these (mostly) women, who generally wear heavy make-up because they're mostly in night scenes, out sweltering in the warmth was great.
It wasn't a drink enjoyed by all the vamps – the ones Eric released had to console themselves with the epic torture of their former torturers. VENGEFUL ERIC even kept the shrink safe for a time . . . well, until he could free Pam and sick her on him.
1. VENGEFUL ERIC RIPS A DUDE'S JUNK OFF
Yeah, that was all that and a bucket of chips. They even had a close-up of the junk, too, all squishy and gross. I mean, there's revenge, and then there's REVENGE, you know what I mean?
When Bill arrives, junkless dude is busy writhing and begs Bill to kill him. After determining that yes, dude was indeed a douchebag torture creep, he kindly finishes him off with a stomp to the face. Which was brutal, of course, but didn't have the same je ne sais quoi.
Gore level: Supremely extreme.
Pining for Sookie: Warlow, still in NowheresVille, Bill, hopefully Alcide again?
Who got nude? Some Vamp Camp crew were made to tog down, but there wasn't a whole lot of junk this week. Except for, you know, that junk.