Guys, apparently we suck at going to the doctor and looking after ourselves. So in this instalment of our favourite "watch with your hands over your eyes" TV show, our Embarrassing Bodies doctors are getting a handful of blokes' tackle, dealing with dodgy dicks and get to grips with anal growths and bulging balls. Wow. How blessed we are!
Dr Sam promises the doctors can't be shocked. "There's nothing we haven't seen," he says, which makes me wonder what it is he hasn't seen, because surely there is something he hasn't. Surely?
In tonight's Movember-timed episode on Lifestyle You, there's also the offer of visiting Dr Ginni's G-spot (calm down) and apparently (I can't guarantee this because my head was buried in my hands) a bloke whose teeth fall out.
A fear of the dentist - I can wholeheartedly sympathise - has led Jeremiah to avoid dental treatment for about four years after he was hit in the face with a ball. The tooth has stayed in the mouth but falls out of place when there's too much movement.
Dr Sam tells Jeremiah that he must see a dentist urgently.
Among this week's eye-opening statistics are that 24,300 Australian men - who, on average, drink 100 litres of beer each year - will die of cancer each year. That's 7000 more than the number of women. Surely avoiding the doctor isn't worth it that much?
Dr Brad's first patient, Craig, has a less-than-pleasurable growth in his pants, and it's getting bigger. He can't wear jeans or tie his laces because of a painful lump on his left testicle. Driving is impossible.
The growth started eight months ago - after four months, the lump was the size of a peach - and it has since doubled. Dr Brad gets Craig to drop his dacks to see if the situation can become peachy.
The diagnosis is a hydrocele testis - a cyst inside the scrotum that can be caused by infection, trauma to the area or it can be spontaneous. Craig's only option is an operation to drain the cystic fluid. Enough to make you shudder, even if it isn't your balls at stake.
Also suffering a shudder-worthy condition is Adam, 20, who has enormous warts in his anus. They have been sexually transmitted and cause difficulties in going to the toilet and cause Adam to fear needing to use the toilet in public.
For Adam, an operation is needed to remove the warts. He chooses to have the warts fully excised, rather than electronically stopped from growing any further. In his return visit to Dr Sam, Adam says the result is great - his hole is clear and he feels 200 per cent better.
It wouldn't be a men's health special without a dodgy dick, and this week it comes from Desmond. He had his prostate removed two years ago because of cancer, but now he would like to get and maintain an erection.
Dr Brad recommends a penis pump be surgically installed, which comes with a switch to inflate at the required time. During surgery, we are treated to a test run - and fortunately for Desmond, it all works as required. But try losing the image of that procedure. It's a struggle.
Dr Ginni meets Malcolm, who has lost 90 kilograms through lap band surgery, but he's been left with a truckload of smelly excess skin. But since he's a smoker, surgery is not an option because, as the good doctor points out, the chances of recovery are severely decreased.
Dr Ginni has more success with her G-spot, which is less exhibitionist than first suggested and instead involves people stepping up to the doc and asking questions about men and their health; such as "do men have a time of the month?". We never said they'd be questions you didn't already know the answers to.
Dr Christian's cameo this week comes when he and Dr Sam vox pop blokes about whether they check their balls for growths. There are no public displays just yet, although later Dr Christian tells two footballers that "it's quite relaxing watching your testicles undulate".
Not going to argue with you, doc, although I can't agree that British blokes don't play with their tackle.
There's a similar message to women about checking their breasts for lumps and other painful spots, though the testicles are far less attractive than breasts.
Dr Christian is also on hand to give a few home truths about farts - yes, even people who deny farting actually do fart.
And Dr Sam deals with a snoring victim who sounds like a Star Wars character. Sorry mate, your wife dobbed you in. Might want to take that up with her later. Let's hope your mantra of "happy wife, happy life" is actually correct, for your sake.