Dr Ginni talks shit with beachgoers as she examines their toilet habits.

Dr Ginni wants to test the poo prowess of beachgoers.

Sexy and I know it. No, I'm not writing about me, but the Gold Coast. It is, according to those in the know, the sex and seduction capital of Australia - and the capital of all things fake: hair, boobs and faces most typical. And it is here, my fellow Embarrassing Bodies Down Under viewers, that we find our three doctors who are just three weeks away from resting their prodding fingers until the (hopefully to be commissioned) next season.

Intimacy issues, missing bits, bulging bits, weird bits and dodgy dicks are on the cards in this episode, and while that does read like things you'd find at the nearest Surfers Paradise nightclub, these are the cases to which we have a front-row seat. And there's an insider's guide to a good poo. Delicious.

Dr Ginni is playing a game of "spot the boobs without implants" while at a beachside cafe with sidekicks Dr Sam, who admires the locals and tourists for being "out and proud" about their bodies, and Dr Brad, who's admiring the parade of shirtless bodies. But underneath all the tan, muscles and the barely-there swimsuits lie some real problems.

Mikyla and her husband, James, (right) have only been able to have pain-free sex three times in seven and a half years.

Mikyla and her husband, James, (right) have only been able to have pain-free sex three times in seven and a half years.

Molly shows up into the clinic, where she tells Dr Sam she's unhappy with her webbed toes, which are on both feet. She's too embarrassed for shoe shopping and pedicures because of the skin growth between her second and third toes. According to narrator Dr Cindy, webbed toes affect one in 200 people, and even Ashton Kutcher has the condition. Perhaps his toes were the real reason Demi gave him the flick.

Molly is sent to a surgeon to ensure she can get a great divide. Her toes are separated successfully, but because there's not enough skin on Molly's foot to cover the wound, a skin graft is taken from her groin. She wiggles her toes with glee as she contemplates open-toed shoes.

Meanwhile, Dr Ginni talks crap with beachgoers as she examines their toilet habits. She is quick to condemn a girlfriend for a "back-to-front" wipe, which can push bacteria into the vagina, while others are warned off straining for fear of causing haemmoroids or bleeding. Gross. Even more foul, though, are the mobile phones of those who text while on the toot. There will be more bacteria on the devices than down the drain. I'm suddenly no longer hungry.

Dr Christian diagnoses common sexually transmitted infections on a series of prosthetic penises buried in the sand.

Dr Christian diagnoses common sexually transmitted infections on a series of prosthetic penises buried in the sand.

Jonathan, 49, wanders into the clinic with a massive double hernia in his stomach that's been weighing him down for three years. It's grown in that time and Jonno is keen to do something about it.

Dr Brad tells him there's a huge opening inside his stomach, and his weight gain isn't helping matters. Jonathan, a smoker and 160kg, is at risk from surgery while so heavy and must shed the pounds before going under the knife.

There is a particularly poignant case in this episode, and that's of Mikyla and her husband, James. In the seven and a half years they have been married, there have only been three times where sex has been pain-free. This has troubled her so much that she's offered her husband the chance to leave her, so that he can experience normal intimacy with another partner.

Molly has webbed toes on both feet, but Dr Sam has a solution .

Molly has webbed toes on both feet, but Dr Sam has a solution .

He grew up in a conservative household where abstinence until marriage was important, thus leading him to believe that after the wedding, sex would be awesome. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

On their honeymoon, Mikyla contracted a urinary tract infection and since then, complications have meant her vagina is excruciatingly painful, to the point where it feels as though someone is chiselling away downstairs.

Dr Ginni instantly diagnoses vulvodynia - the misfiring of the pain nerves in the vulva. Burning is also quite common with the condition. Sadly for Mikyla, the cause of vulvodynia is unknown and treatment is difficult.

Dr Ginni also suggest bacterial vaginosis may be at play too, a disease that arises when there's too much soap used. In medical circles, it's known as the clean person's disease.

The good doctor's suggestions for Mikyla are to avoid wearing pants - skirts only, please - as well as removing underpants as soon as she gets home to ensure her vagina is aired out. Mikyla is also banned from using soap downstairs, and she and James will have to settle for oral sex until the vaginosis clears.

Later, Dr Christian diagnoses common sexually transmitted infections on a series of prosthetic penises buried in the sand, and it ain't pretty. Lots of oozing and lots of festering pustules. This should be compulsory viewing for schoolies each year.

Dancer Vanessa sees Dr Sam for a problem she's had since birth - she has only one ear. From her right side, she can't hear. She has to resort to lip-reading when there's lots of background noise.

Dr Sam sends Vanessa to see several experts, and any surgery will be risky because of the facial nerve usually running through the ear canal. It is unclear whether what's inside what would be Vanessa's ear is normal, or can be worked with. Tests reveal Vanessa's inner ear apparently works, but it will be a long journey before a decision could be made.

Later, Dr Sam lightens the mood by explaining hangovers and debunking hangover myths. The best doctor-recommended remedy is actually sex: when we're hungover, we're down and depressed, and sex is a natural pick-me-up, making it the most effective mood cure.

There is no way, however, to get your body to process the drinks quicker, just better ways to cope with the pain.

At their beachside clinic, the doctors also deal with apple-sized abscesses and lesions on a woman's groin and armpits, one squeezed for our viewing pleasure, facial psoriasis that has persisted for six years and present a close-up look at periods.

For many women, their monthly cycle remains somewhat of a mystery. The average woman will use 250 tampons in a year, and those tampons can get lost - one of Dr Ginni's patients had one that went missing for weeks. Apparently that's a smell that doesn't leave you for some time. Thanks Dr Ginni.