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Spoilt for plots to talk about

And now for something completely different. Going places that free-to-air TV dare not, Game of Thrones (Showcase, Foxtel, 7.30pm) has been attracting quite a bit of attention lately, which is why so many people are paying good money to watch it in entirely legal ways.

Interesting that it should have become so popular, because Game of Thrones is a bit of a niche program - lots of frontal nudity and blood-soaked sword fights, so it only really appeals to human beings. Unless you like blood and battles and boobs, you probably won't like it. Which would make you gravely mistaken - really, people should be forced to watch this show until they learn to like it.

It's kind of difficult to review though, because people are very sensitive to spoilers nowadays. I mean I can tell you that this week Tyrion … well, no, I can't tell you that. Anyway, Jon Snow is about to … hmm, no, can't say that either. Look, I won't say what happens, but let it be known that after last week, when … ah! You might not have seen that one yet. Better not let that cat out of the bag.

Suffice to say, after the certain events of last week, the intrigue and the fighting and the sexiness continues. The brilliant thing about Game of Thrones is that the heroes don't always act like heroes, and every now and then even the worst villain has a moment where you get where they're coming from. Joffrey is one of the most irretrievably, sadistically evil characters ever to grace the small screen, but you can still feel sorry for the kid from time to time. Jon is awesome, but you still want to slap him from time to time.

On the other hand, you never really stop cheering for Tyrion and Arya. Respectively, they're the brains and the heart of the show, and no spoilers, but we've got to hope Tyrion keeps on outwitting those taller and more powerful than he, and that Arya pretty much ends up killing almost everyone. But until she does, we will have to keep cheering them, and booing the Lannisters, and getting progressively more excited as Danaerys and her dragons get closer and closer to Westeros … man, stuff's about to get real.

Whether it's getting quite as real on The Bible (Gem, 8.30pm) is naturally a matter of dispute - it's a cracking yarn, but probably not quite up to Game of Thrones standard. Less nudity for a start. Though depending on your perspective, it is either given extra spice, or made a bit depressing, if you think it really happened. In Monday's episode, Jesus brings a dead man back to life and feeds thousands on a remarkably tight budget, thus making a bit of a name for himself. Apologies for the spoilers, but honestly you should've read the book by now.