Big Rich Texas , Monday, Style, 9.30pm
JUST when you think you've seen the most atrocious behaviour, unfunny crassness and oblivious self-debasement of which wealthy middle-aged women are capable, the cable disgorges something even more appalling. It's scarcely an exaggeration to say Big Rich Texas, a semi-scripted ''reality'' series about Dallas country club women and their daughters, makes The Real Housewives of New Jersey look like Downton Abbey. The format is pure cookie-cutter and the women exhibit the mandatory preoccupation with money, shopping and plastic surgery, but the nastiness has been dialled up to 11. You can't just call another woman a bitch; you have to tell her: ''Take your camel toe and get the f--- out of here.'' You can't just throw a drink in another woman's face; you also have to smash the glass at her feet. The fact it's all staged for entertainment purposes merely reflects the program makers' desire to produce an uglier kind of trash. Strangely, while the show doesn't get within a Texas longhorn's roar of ''so bad it's good'' territory, it is, at least, bad enough to be watchable. Which puts it streets ahead of any of the soporific Real Housewives franchises. The most morbidly fascinating of the cast is one of the daughters, 24-year-old Whitney, whose body is increasingly covered in exceedingly tacky tattoos. The most noticeable are the pair of pink ribbon bows beneath her collarbones, but there's also the C-word tattooed in big, black, blocky letters on her foot, a weird crayon swirl on one shoulder, and the word ''mayhem'' in tall Gothic script across her midriff. It's surely one of the worst collections of ink ever accumulated by a woman of her socio-economic background and level of education (she's apparently a pre-med student), but probably nothing to do with her past as a child-pageant princess. Whitney is dating a heavily tattooed body-piercer named Booger, who she ''met on the side of a highway''. Booger seems like a sensible guy - at least he thinks Whitney shouldn't get any new tatts for a while. The other daughters are indistinguishable at first, being similar pitches of whining in similar shades of peroxide. The mothers, at least, distinguish themselves from each other by the degree to which they commit to talking about sex in the most cringe-inducing manner. Take DeAynni, her arms in bandages after having her ''bat wings'' taken off: ''After I do the legs, maybe a vajayjay reconstruct. That's the new thing.'' All class, all the time.
Inside Cricket , Monday, Fox Sports 2, 8.30pm
BRENDON Julian and the team have been in fine form again this summer. Julian and his rotating roster of panellists - Allan Border, Greg Blewett, Damien Fleming, Mark Waugh and cricket journo Robert Craddock - continue to provide entertaining and incisive analysis of what's happening on the pitch, as well as enlightening interviews with past greats and those in the know. They go to air live so they're right up to date, and they're pretty plugged in, too - even before the second Test against South Africa they were talking about the likelihood of Mitchell Johnson being recalled. They have frank and interesting conversations with good guests (recently Kepler Wessels and Stuart Clark), and although the the panellists and guests enjoy ribbing each other, it never gets too blokey or boofheaded. There are also well-produced feature items that cover stories of importance to cricket tragics (such as whether new coach Justin Langer can improve the culture and performance of the West Australian team), soliciting multiple points of view to provide a rounded perspective. Not all of the stories are stop-the-presses stuff - the fluffy piece on the filming of this year's Twenty20 ad would have been better suited to Inside Marketing (There's no such show? Well there you go). As if all that weren't enough, there are also highlights from first-class and one-day games from across the country and around the world, and you can contribute your own two cents' worth to proceedings via Twitter. Compulsory viewing for the serious cricket fan.
My Dog Ate What? Nat Geo Wild, 5.30pm
Vets and owners tell the stories of dogs that ate underwear, skewered corn cobs and large amounts of cash, and how the items were removed.
Project Runway Australia, Arena, 8.30pm
Christina joins Leah, Tristan and Jamie in the series finale.
Machete Maidens Unleashed! Studio, 9.30pm
Documentary about Filipino films of the 1970s and '80s.