Make mine a double, Barry
Sydney's Kings Cross.
If I ever needed another reason not to go out in Sydney's "Golden Mile", Kings Cross, it came on Wednesday when the NSW government announced I, an adult, may soon not be allowed to drink after midnight in our most adult of entertainment precincts.
Sure, I can get a hand job, blow job, gram of hydro, coke, smack or meth, as well as watch a 19-year-old disappear a sex toy up herself on stage - but no booze - at least not my type of liquor.
The Sydney Morning Herald's State Political Editor, Sean Nicholls, reported that "the Premier, Barry O'Farrell, has announced the government will introduce a ban on shots, doubles, ready-to-drink beverages and glassware after midnight on Fridays and Saturdays for the area's 58 venues".
Now, I drink Scotch, neat.
If it's available, I'll take a double Lagavulin (16 years old), with a drop of water in a heavy glass tumbler and it'll often cost me lots of money (usually about as much as a hand job, for those who are paying attention).
It's a nice way to wind down the evening.
It feels very adult.
In fact, if you're to believe the liquor cabinets of the rich, powerful and evil, neat Scotch is just about the most adult beverage one can drink.
You don't see the heads of the CIA and MI5 clinking bourbon and cokes or mojitos in the movies when they discuss carving up the world; they drink Scotch, no?
Not surprisingly, I also know many other adults who like to drink Scotch this way, but if the NSW government has its druthers, we may soon not be able to do so in Kings Cross; we certainly won't be served a double, and even a single measure of fine, single malt will be considered a "shot".
I know this because it already happens across Sydney.
I, an adult, who's not glassed anyone in ... oh ... never ... can go to my local RSL and order a Scotch neat and am told by a bartender half my age that I "have to have ice" with it, because otherwise its considered a shot.
And don't even bother asking for a double because "they're illegal now".
Which simply means adults like myself will continue to give Kings Cross a massive swerve, because we're treated like juveniles, and thus juveniles will continue to dominate the precinct because adults are elsewhere.
Which is kind of a shame for the juveniles and the precinct because I know from long experience that old people - i.e drinkers over the age of 30 - can have a calming effect on youngsters.
You're much less likely to see a fight at a bar filled with people in their 20s, 30s and 40s than in one jammed with 20-year-olds alone.
Why? Because old heads intervene.
We're another set of eyes to watch for trouble. Wowsers that we are, old people often give the bartender or manager a heads up when we hear a bloke spewing in the toilets or slurring threats at the table next to us.
I understand why O'Farrell's government is doing this - because it has to be seen to be "taking action" about the "alcohol-fuelled violence" of Kings Cross and respond to the public outcry over the death of teenager Thomas Kelly last month.
But let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater, Barry.
There aren't that many Lagavulan drinkers at The Sugar Mill on a Saturday night. The bigger issue is 21-year-olds smashing 12 vodka Red Bulls, which has roughly the same effect on your heart rate and adrenal glands as two lines of rack.
I also understand we all have to wear the inconvenience for the greater good, however; on Thursday, we also discovered James Packer had managed to obtain an exemption to NSW's smoking bans for high-rollers at Sydney's Star casino.
If you drink single malt, you can have it without ice. If it's older than 10 years, you can even have a double. And, as part of the deal, we'll break up fights between teenagers and make sure they get home all right.