The great underwear debate
What lies beneath
Essential No-Show Brief, $21.99, 2(x)ist, www.undieguys.com.au
Your guide to dressing dapper down under.
When it comes to style, most of the attention is paid to a man’s outward appearance.
It’s great if a guy has the means and inclination to make an effort, but it’s almost comical how many of us drop the ball once we peel off our $300 jeans - like offering a well-wrapped gift only to deliver an incredibly crappy present underneath.
So just be aware that if you’re single and ready to mingle, a pair of five-year-old, stained tighty whiteys isn’t going to make the best impression.
Of course it is also important for a man to feel comfortable down there. And while some guys are perfectly content with the undies their mum and gran send them on their birthday, the rest of us don’t want to spend one day in Rio, let alone five.
Here, then, are some things to consider when taking care of your packaging.
Most of us probably started out wearing the same brand and style as our dad. For me this meant a pair of good, ol’ Y-front briefs. Though the “easy access” exit to help out at the urinal is roughly 500 times more complex than just pulling them down, they’re a pretty solid foundation.
But, all jocks aren’t created equal. American Apparel, for example, cornered the market for a while there. With their simple, logo-less design and large array of colours it was a no-muss, no-fuss wonderland. Until you realised that they flat-pack your junk as if it’s made at IKEA. To protect the life of any future children I might have, I made the change to classic Bonds boxer briefs and never looked back.
Then there are also lucky undies, aka the ones you wear to a job interview or when you actually want to get lucky. I recommend a pair of Calvin Klein classic boxer briefs in grey marl. They’re a touch pricier but something about the stitching makes you look a bit manlier, irrespective of size.
Like exotic foods and drunken karaoke, there are many things you should try at least once in your life. After a friend waxed lyrical over his love for boxers, I decided to take them for a test drive. Though ultimately not for me, there are some pretty simple guidelines to follow.
First up is fabric. You might have received some “comical” silk or satin boxers as a gift and there is only one way to handle this: receive them with a smile and then throw them away once you are safely home.
Otherwise you might be tempted to put them on when you’ve run out of clean ones. If so, prepare yourself for a day of silently uncomfortable hell as you have your own private game of slip and slide. Not to mention that the humid Australian climate combined with satin and eight hours in the office does not a delicate bouquet make.
Instead, stick with cotton boxers and go with a block colour or check. And make sure they sit close to your body. You’ll still encounter some bunching issues if you wear them too big and you’ll have to stick your hands down your pants to sort out the issue, which looks mighty shady on public transport
I occasionally forgo briefs when I’m in between washes or too lazy to walk over to the drawer. There are those who suggest that it’s unhygienic and to them I say, I just showered, thank you very much, and it’s just a thin slip of fabric away from wearing boxers. Visually, steer clear of tight jeans, and know that going commando in trackies is akin to wearing no pants at all.
There is something far more important to consider if and when you decide to freeball – and that’s the zipper. Luckily, button-up jeans are pretty popular nowadays but if you’ve ever zipped up too quickly and gotten your bits caught up in the action, as I did one fateful day, you’ll be having some serious second thoughts.
What about you: Do you have any tips or tricks when it comes to dressing the boys?