Boardroom diversion and division

Heckler ''ARE you looking at me?'' she asked, with the start of a frown.


Drag your knuckles, not your feet

A man and a woman.

Heckler WOMEN have been complaining about men for as long as the trees have stood, and for almost as long, men have been writing about it.


It was either T. rex or the coq au vin

Heckler ONCE again, dinosaurs rule the living room. It's all thanks to Claude, a five-year-old nephew from Paris, who has been caught in the thrall of giant creatures with unpronounceable names. With


Modern post issues in a modern land

Australia Post

Heckler ''I'D LIKE to send this parcel by registered post, please.''


Your mother deserves a little credit

Heckler I have been a frequent visitor from Britain to your beautiful country for some 15 years or so, latterly to visit, with my wife on an annual basis, our daughter and family who are residents of Sydney...


Abstaining throws up tricky issues

Heckler THE Great Vomit of Y2K was the last time I ever drank champagne or wine. I threw up so violently I lost a contact lens.


Seize the day by all means, but don't grab

Heckler I'VE always taught my children not to grab; that grabbing is rude. This has become increasingly difficult since the word has taken off.


ABC caught out in Test


Heckler THE ABC is driving me barmy with its cricket broadcasts.


Mary had a wittle lamb, full of iron


Heckler ''I'LL have the steak, thank you, medium rare. No, not the tuna steak, the beef steak.


Don't flaunt it if you just ain't got it

Heckler HERE'S a novel idea: people should stop committing themselves to things they can't afford.


Try to hook John Dory, not a groper

Heckler I'VE never intentionally been out fishing. It's generally sprung upon me on an otherwise sedate boating trip.

Listen pal, I don't want my toddler as a mate

Heckler I DON'T want to be friends with my kids. I want to be their dad and their confidant and their teacher of life lessons and their geeky example to rebel against.


Seeing the light after 40 years

Hawaiian shirt.

Heckler FOR years I have been buying my husband shirts he never wears. He always complained they were too loud. I thought it was just that he prefers khaki.


Last post for something we rely on

Heckler SO THE powers that be are closing my post office. They can't justify it being there any more and they say it's unprofitable. Well, of course it's bloody unprofitable, it's a post office.


WikiLeaks? Hear it first on grapevine

Heckler ALL this hoo-ha about WikiLeaks is really quite irritating. Let me tell you about my mother.


Little stars lost among the cameras

Heckler THIS was my first year of the preschool Christmas concert. I had two in one week and, despite the feeling of what one friend describes as being trapped in a Russian nightclub about to go up in flames...


Shopping at the maul

Heckler SYDNEY'S CBD is a pedestrian nightmare of dawdlers, strollers and, as our American friends say, plain old jaywalkers.


Welcome to town? Just the reverse


Heckler HERE we go again. We've just survived the influx of capital-T Tourists during the spring school holidays and the wine festival. And now the summer holidays are imminent.


Mulch ado about grubs of this world

Heckler When did cigarette butts become de facto mulch? When did beer bottles, car batteries and pizza boxes become garden ornaments?


Being vague is in vogue


Heckler I'VE had enough of coded language. To put it bluntly, it's time we called a spade a spade.