NO END TO CLIVE
If there's one thing this campaign - four days to go! - is proving, besides the hermetic rigour of our gaffometer, it is Clive Palmer's Teflon coating. The man simply fails to take offence at the best-of-the-worst lobbed in his direction. First, there was his enthusiastic reception of Fairfax Media's take on the Gough Whitlam theme It's Time, reimagined as It's Clive. The spoof ended up as his campaign launch backdrop, of all things. Now, CD has learnt the PUP king made a bid to the ABC for its latest Gruen Nation pitch - a mock pro-Palmer ad that saw a mash-up of pollies' negative views of the Coolum kennel ringleader come together in positive parody. Aunty is unable to sell the ditty owing to IP restrictions and its indy charter. Not that this would have been a first time for a pitch from the program to end up on the small screen proper. The current Greens ad started life as a Gruen segment.
Hot on the heels of tripping up over his own defence policy on Monday, things were looking up for the zippy nerdster and his merry band. Omega man (you did see the PM's wildly imaginative selfie of his wristwatch, didn't you?) has a cat named after him - so revealed in Caboolture by a St Columban's College schoolboy and proud owner of Kevin the kitty. It's only a matter of time for the old-new-possibly-old-again PM to follow in the footsteps of the greats and, like George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld, have a species of beetle named after him.
OUT, EITHER WAY
It's all in the semantics, people. Tony Abbott's National Press Club speech was a ripe opportunity for The West Australian's Andrew Probyn to ask the LOTO about the barely contained warfare bubbling away between the Nats and Libs in the Coalition family. The reporter held up a copy of an ad in the newspaper showing that "Warren Truss was airbrushed" from the image. Abbott's reply: "I think he was cropped, Andrew, rather than airbrushed." We couldn't have put it any better than Probyn: "Ok, cropped. Your words, Mr Abbott."
Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but the combination of a fake letterhead and a misspelt honorific is too much for CD to resist. And so a mention of Noel D'Souza, the deputy mayor of Randwick. A rallying cry of support for Matt Thistlethwaite from the well-meaning chemist appears to have been misappropriated by the upper-to-lower house Labor candidate, accidently morphing into a letter from Randwick Council "coucillor" D'Souza to voters in south Sydney. While the council rushed to underline its apolitical stance come Saturday, a Labor spokesman said the mistake was a genuine error.
Ideology, dress-sense, lack of funding. The major parties are one and the same in many ways, not least classic oration skills. Last Tuesday, Kevin Rudd successfully deployed anaphora, repetition of the same words at the beginning of sentences: "Having a job is about human dignity. Having a job is about economic opportunity. Having a job is ..." At the Coalition launch, Julie Bishop's seven deadly sins take on Kevin was textbook epistrophe - anaphora's counterpart: "There's arrogant Kevin. There's abusive Kevin." Then, at the ALP launch, it was a bombardment of anaphora from the rabble-rousing Albo: "We built" / "we have" / "he doesn't like" / "he's the right man" ad nauseam. From here on in, we recommend amplification (repetition with added detail) for the ALP, e.g., "We stand for change. We stand for bold, Australian change". The Coalition should simply stay silent, no Greek device needed.
Where's Jaymes Tracking Device, 2 Sep: No confirmed early sightings of the Scarlet Pimpernel at Blacktown, Marayong or Toongabbie train stations. But "A busy morning at Stanhope village, lucky I started the day with a great coffee and banana bread from Coffee Guru," said Jaymes "six-pointless" Diaz on his Facebook page. Next it was over to Blacktown Westpoint to spruik a carbon-taxless future. Ratio of "Jaymes Diaz for Prime Minister" page likes to those of his official page: 1.72:1.