And Adelaide-based defence force wife "Karen", whose husband is due to deploy to the Middle East next week and who will miss out on Christmas with his family, said she had chosen to speak out because "Defence is not like the public service. Defence Force members can't strike, they can't speak out".

At the same time, Defence personnel have flooded to join peak body the Defence Force Welfare Association, whose membership of serving men and women has rocketed from about 1100 to 5000 since the pay stoush began.

Fairfax Media has chosen not to use Karen's last name, or identify her husband. Karen and the couple's two children are based in South Australia, while her husband has been posted interstate.

She told Fairfax Media her husband would lose his Members with Dependents food allowance under the proposed pay offer, which is worth $4905 annually.

At the same, her husband will receive a pay rise of just $1280 annually in line with the below inflation 1.5 per cent offer – leaving her and her family $3625 worse off each year.

"I could live with 1.5 per cent but it's the other stuff they are cutting, they don't talk about the allowances. It's kind of a low blow," she said.

"I get that it's tough economic times but they have changed things half way through [her husband's posting] and cut the allowance."

And Karen said she had been "lectured" by a staffer when she rang the office of Assistant Defence Minister Stuart Robert about Labor's legacy of debt before being told the Minister was "too busy to ring someone like me back".

A spokesman for Mr Robert confirmed the $4905 annual food allowance was being cut, but said it was being replaced by another one-off payment of $385 for the duration of the posting. Postings typically last two to five years.

"ADF members would normally incur the cost of their meals if they were not living away from their dependents ... for this reason the current food allowance will be replaced by a one-off larder allowance to assist with the purchase of basic pantry supplies and cooking utensils at the beginning of a member's posting," he said.

The spokesman rejected Karen's claim she had been lectured. "The Minister and his office have the greatest respect for ADF members and their families, and diligently and politely address all issues raised. On this occasion the Minister was travelling and not in the office".

Defence Force Welfare Association executive director Alf Jaugietis said that since the pay offer had been made, "the increase in the uniformed membership base is four-fold, plus some".

"This is the biggest boom we've had in membership growth ever."

Members typically had been people who had left the armed forces, he said, but the association had been bombarded by emails complaining about the pay deal.

"One of the dominant categories is, 'Hey, you're sending us to war again and the very next day you tell us we're going to have a pay cut'."

On Monday, Victoria Cross recipient Ben Roberts-Smith was reported as defending the pay deal, saying that the government faced a budget deficit and defence personnel "never did it for the money anyway".

Neil James, executive director of the Australia Defence Association, said while this was true, "governments shouldn't take advantage of that by unfairly remunerating members of the defence force".

Mr James also accused the government of using the below-inflation defence pay increase as a tactical benchmark to force even lower pay rises for the rest of the public service.

Mr Robert's spokesman said the ADF pay deal was "not being used to set a benchmark for other public sector pay negotiations".

The independent Defence Force Remuneration Tribunal last week approved the below-inflation 1.5 per cent pay offer to the 57,000 serving soldiers, sailors and air force personnel.