Renovators.

Categories 2 and 4

It’s a ceremony that celebrates all that is crass, dumb, embarrassing and annoying in Australian television. Yes, it’s the Bogie Awards. Did you think we were talking about something else?

Every year since time immemorial (2007) this column has given readers the opportunity to vent their rage on the people who program the nation’s most popular medium.  We reveal your votes on the same day as another ceremony with a similar name.

Here are The Bogie categories and candidates for 2012, and we invite you to add suggestions of your own.

Kerri-Anne Kennerley.

Categories 8 and 12, but should she be in 5? Photo: Helen Nezdropa

1. Best use of breasts to exploit viewers’ base instincts Honouring the memory of the classic soap Number 96, this award has been claimed in recent years by various versions of Underbelly. The nominees for 2012 are: Underbelly Razor (9); Homeland (10); Nigella Express (ABC); True Blood (Foxtel); and Mad Men (SBS). Any others you’d like to add?

2. Dumbest programming manoeuvre: Channel Ten inserting The Renovators into the finale of MasterChef; Nine putting Excess Baggage against The Biggest Loser; ABC letting Angry Boys outstay its welcome by five episodes; Seven showing 30 Rock at 11.30pm; Ten showing Glee on a Friday night, when the target audience is out boozing with fake IDs.

3. Foot deepest into mouth Yumi Stynes and George Negus for their incisive observations on Corporal Ben Roberts-Smith; Karl Stefanovic for his analysis of Richard Wilkins’s penis size; Richard Wilkins for his red carpet interviews ahead of the AACTA awards.

Melanie Brown, aka Mel B, aka Scary Spice.

Category 5, but should she be in 9 and 12? Photo: Kate Geraghty

4. Most blatant ripoff of another station's hit The Renovators; My Kitchen Rules, Excess Baggage; Customs; Sunday Night.

5. Most effable This category is a tribute to former Nine news director John Westacott, who told staff that to be successful, a presenter needs “f---ability”. Last year Bogie voters lusted after Adam Hills. The nominees this year are: Manu Feildel (7); Essie Davis (ABC); Charlie Pickering (10); Annabel Crabb (ABC); Firass Dirani (9 and ABC); Juanita Phillips (ABC); Hamish Blake (9); Sonia Kruger (7); Adam Hills (ABC); Julia Zemiro (SBS); Poh Ling Yeow (ABC); Melanie Brown (7); Mark Ferguson (7); Asher Keddie (10); Josh Thomas (10); Myf Warhurst (ABC). Have we missed anyone?

6. Most overexposed Stephen Fry (ABC); The Big Bang Theory (9 and GO!); Hitler’s Bodyguard (SBS); Heartbeat (7TWO); My Kitchen Rules (7); Charlie Pickering (10).

Karl Stefanovic

Categories 3, 9 and 13 Photo: Gary Heery

7. Least credible canned laughter Two and a Half Men (9); 2 Broke Girls (9); Big Bang Theory (9); Hot in Cleveland (9).

8. Most misunderestimated Woodley; The Good Wife; 30 Rock; Letters and Numbers; Kerri-Anne Kennerley.



9. Most unnecessary personality Paul Henry (10); Yumi Stynes (10); Kylie Gillies (7); Fifi Box (7); Karl Stefanovic (9); Grant Denyer (7); Melissa Doyle (7); Dave Hughes (10); Andrew O'Keefe (7); David Koch (7).

Richard Wilkins with his gin and tonic

Categories 3 and 13 Photo: Sahlan Hayes

10. Most oddly immobile facial features Johnny Young (10); Sandra Sully (10); Liz Hayes (9); Sigrid Thornton(9); Tracey Grimshaw (9).

11. Most embarrassing program (The Naomi Robson Cup) A Current Affair (9); Today Tonight (7); The Biggest Loser (10); Please Marry My Boy (7); Beauty and the Geek (7); The Bolt Report (10).

12. Furthest past use-by date (The EgBert Newton Trophy) Deal or No Deal (7); Johnny Young (10); Grey’s Anatomy (10); Kerri-Anne Kennerley (7); Glee (10); Eddie McGuire (9); Desperate Housewives (7); George Negus (10); Top Gear (9); Matt Preston (10); Breakfast (10); Mike Munro (7).


Unspecified

Category 1 Photo: Supplied

13. The Black Bogie (The Edward McGuire Chalice) Kyle Sandilands took out this award three years in a row, but he’s off TV at the moment, thereby opening the field to other candidates. The nominees for 2012 are: Karl Stefanovic; Eddie McGuire; David Koch; Andrew O’Keefe; Richard Wilkins.

To register your vote, copy and paste the nominations list into Comments, delete the names you're not voting for, and add your own suggestions. Or email bookofaustralia@gmail.com . The five most interesting new noms will win a copy of The Little Book of Australia. Voting closes at midday on Tuesday April 10.

 

You have just read the Who We Are column, by David Dale. It appears in printed form every Sunday in The Sun-Herald, and also as a blog on this website, where it welcomes your comments. David Dale teaches communications at UTS, Sydney. He is the author of The Little Book of Australia -- A snapshot of who we are (Allen and Unwin). For daily updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark The Tribal Mind.

 

These votes have come in so far by email:

From Fiona Horton: Surely Charlotte Dawson HAS to be on the list for Most Oddly Immobile Facial Features.

From Edmund Ting: The only category I am voting on is Furthest Past its Use By Date. I wish to nominate Absolutely Fabulous which is at least 10 years past its use by date.

From Antony Carey: My nomination for "most effable": Janice Petersen(SBS).

From Carol de Launey: So, votes below, plus my suggestions for a new category: The Worst Oil Slick, for programs that spread ...and spread..their contestants across other programs: I nominate MKR for spreading contestants to Deal or no Deal (as contestants in that show) and to Better Homes & Gardens (where MKR contestants had bake offs). Enough, please!

Best Use of Breasts: Nigella (ABC1); Dumbest Programming: Removalists into MasterChef (10); Most Efffable: Manu Feidel (7) [sigh, it's the accent of course]; Least-Credible Canned Laughter: Big Bang (9); Most Unnecessary Personality: Grant Denyer (7) [Thank you for the opportunity to indicate how annoying he is ... I switch channels at the first glimpse]; Most Immobile Features: Sandra Sully (10); Most Embarrassing Program: [all solid contenders!] A tie between Biggest Loser (10) & Bolt Report (10); Furthest Past Use-By: Kerri-Anne Kennerley (7).

From Sally Spencer:

"I love reading the Black Bogie nomination and awards, but feel that there are a couple that have failed to make the nominations, much to my surprise...........so here goes: Past Use by Date (or even better Most Annoying Personality, if there's such a nomination), and that would be Mike Whitney. If I have to hear his long drawling "G'daaaaayyyyy!!, one more time I'm gonna puke!! Another nominee for Past Use By Date would be: Peter Harvey. Then there/s my nomination for the Black Bogie, that would be, Karl Stefanovic."

From Natasha Hunter:

1. Best use of breasts: Nigella Express (ABC);  2. Dumbest programming: Seven showing 30 Rock at 11.30pm; 3. Foot deepest:  Yumi Stynes and George Negus for their incisive observations on Corporal Ben Roberts-Smith; 5. Most effable: Shaun Micallef (10) 6. Most overexposed:  My Kitchen Rules (7) 7. Least credible canned laughter Two and a Half Men (9); 2 Broke Girls (9); Big Bang Theory (9); Hot in Cleveland (9). 8. Most underestimated: 30 Rock 9. Most unnecessary: Fifi Box (7);  10. Most oddly immobile:  Jessica Rowe (7). 11. Most embarrassing: Please Marry My Boy (7) 12. Furthest past use-by: Deal or no deal 13. The Black Bogie:  David Koch.

From Shannon McKinn:

1. Best use of breasts: True Blood (Foxtel) 2. Dumbest programming: Seven showing 30 Rock at 11.30pm; and never showing Parks and Recreation in a consistent time/day/episodic order! 3. Foot deepest into mouth: Yumi Stynes and George Negus for their incisive observations on Corporal Ben Roberts-Smith;  4. Most blatant ripoff: Excess Baggage; 5. Most effable:  Firass Dirani (9 and ABC); 6. Most overexposed: The Big Bang Theory (9 and GO!); 7. Least credible canned laughter:  2 Broke Girls (9) 8. Most misunderestimated:  30 Rock; 9. Most unnecessary: David Koch (7). 10. Most oddly immobile:  Tracey Grimshaw (9). 11. Most embarrassing: Today Tonight (7); 12. Furthest past use-by: Glee (10);  13. The Black Bogie:  Richard Wilkins.

From Erica Hetherington:

1. Nigella Express (ABC) 2. Channel Ten inserting The Renovators into the finale of MasterChef 3. Yumi Stynes and George Negus for their incisive observations on Corporal Ben Roberts-Smith 4. My Kitchen Rules 5. Manu Feildel 6. The Big Bang Theory 7.Two and a Half Men (9). 8. Kerri-Anne Kennerley.

9.  Yumi Stynes 10.Sandra Sully 11.Today Tonight (7) 12. George Negus; 13. Karl Stefanovic.

From Lizzie Skinner:

1. Best use of breasts (a bum) to exploit viewers’ base instincts: Karl Stefanovic when he received his gold Logie in 2011, setting the stage for 2012; 2. Dumbest programming: Channel Ten inserting The Renovators into the finale of MasterChef; 3. Foot deepest: Yumi Stynes and George Negus for their incisive observations on Corporal Ben Roberts-Smith; 4. Most blatant ripoff: Excess Baggage; 5. Most effable: Ruby Rose (yes, she may not be on a proper channel, but go with it!); 6. Most overexposed: The Big Bang Theory (9 and GO!); 7. Least credible canned laughter: Two and a Half Men (9); 8. Most misunderestimated Woodley; The Good Wife; 9. Most unnecessary: Karl Stefanovic (9); 10. Most oddly immobile: Johnny Young (10); 11. Most embarrassing program: Please Marry My Boy (7); 12. Furthest past use-by: Eddie McGuire (9); 13. The Black Bogie: Karl Stefanovic.

From Susan Locke:

1. Best use of breasts to exploit viewers’ base instincts: Nigella Express (ABC)  - worst use actually; not only are the camera angles used to sickenly rove over her breasts hanging over edibles such as cupcakes, but are used to catch the shy eyes and the finger in the mouth; overall the base instincts are about infantalising sex appeal in the body of a woman who should know better.

2. Dumbest programming manoeuvre: Seven showing 30 Rock at 11.30pm. Great programming though for the grown ups who are working longer and longer hours and need to fee they have some sort of life while writing reports late at night. So much better than Proactiv informationals that make up late night fare.

 3. Foot deepest into mouth: Richard Wilkins for his red carpet interviews ahead of the AACTA awards – no comment; he’s just so yesterday!

 4. Most blatant ripoff of another station's hit: The Renovators – if they are going to rip off at least get better production values; on the other side The Block has descended into really excruciating mini-challenges and have taken away time from the actual renovation work; so the ripoff at least gave us more reno on-air time.

 5. Most effable: Have we missed anyone? No – no wonder this is the Bogie Award with this category.

 6. Most overexposed: Stephen Fry (ABC) – been saying this for years. I think its Australia’s cultural cringe playing out still. An educated guy with a plummy accent. Feels like TV from the 1950s.

 7. Least credible canned laughter: Two and a Half Men – Excruciating. Talk about flog a dead horse. In the words of the master - "It's about commerce dude, it's all about commerce"

 8. Most misunderestimated:  Letters and Numbers – misundestimated – Richard I believe I have an 8 letter word in that mix

9. Most unnecessary personality: Grant Denyer – please please get in one of those hot air balloons or other mode of travel that seem to always be in the background and don’t come back.

 10. Most oddly immobile facial features: Sandra Sully – that’s not immobile, that’s my serious look trying to not laugh at the ridiculousness of the news I have to read.

 11. Most embarrassing program:  Please Marry My Boy – should be retitled Peeking Mums Who Are Co-Dependent With Their Sons – who would want to marry one of these guys with so many mother issues.

 12. Furthest past use-by date:  Grey’s Anatomy – the squinty eye look as the standard acting technique is so yesterday.

 13. The Black Bogie: David Koch – it’s like having to eat breakfast while hung over and having to listen to the embarrassing uncle who just keeps on about all the funny things that  can be done with a lampshade on his head.

From Jan Fitzsimmons:

Foot deepest etc  Dead Heat  Yumi Stynes and George Negus (unforgiveable) and Karl Stefanovic  every time he opens his mouth. The Logie he won last year has made him an egotistic  smart alec.  Lots of smutty comments and only he laughs. Think of his attempt at humour on Valentines day when he showed a picture of Ray Hadley wearing a “snorer’s mask”.

Most overexposed The Today Show’s campaign for viewers to vote for Karl Stefanovic to win another Logie. Most Unnecessary personalities  - Melissa Doyle, David Koch, Grant Denyer and Karl Stefanovic! The Black Bogie: Karl Stefanovic.