Royal Australian Air Force engineer Danny Graham's turmoil lasted for another 20 years on his return to civilian life, until he died six years ago.

Struck down by lung cancer and as he determined to keep his troubles to himself, Mr Graham's wife Dee built a home at Dunlop with picture windows for his final, breathless years, from where he could see a fishpond in the court yard and Brindabella Mountains in the distance.

For Remembrance Day volunteers are repairing and painting her home's exterior in a gesture that mirrors Mrs Graham's life-long kindness.

Mark Wrate of Inspirational Paint, Belconnen, is co-ordinating Berger Paint's nation-wide promotion in Canberra and has been inundated with volunteers, who have washed down and repaired three widows' homes including Mrs Graham's, ahead of painting them.

After serving in Malaysia, the Korean War and Vietnam twice, Mr Graham retired a changed man from the one who first met his wife.

A country and western fan at the time, she was at a club listening to Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain.

"Danny had blue eyes. He was gorgeous," Mrs Graham said. They were together from then on, except for his long stints in the air force.

"It was his life, but it took his life, if you know what I'm saying. Danny never ever talked about it. I think that is where a lot of the things became a closed book," Mrs Graham said.

"I had 20 years living and breathing hospitals basically. Going back and forth to Sydney all the time, where he had some surgery, experimental stuff. We could go down for three days and be there for six months. I used to just sleep at the hospitals. I missed out on a lot of things with the kids. I tell you what, I would do it all again."

They travelled for long hours in their Statesman. When a paramedic saw 10 bottles of oxygen in the car he said Mrs Graham was a travelling time bomb as the bottles could explode. But such was her husband's breathlessness they never went anywhere without a good supply of bottles and trailing plastic tubing.

She did have an accident, running into the rear of another car, but escaped injury. The crumpled Statesman sits in her garage, a potent reminder of her life with Mr Graham.

They had endured more than most parents, when their 17-year-old son Stewart was hit and killed while riding his bike.

As Mr Graham's lungs gave way, he could no longer handle stairs or walk about much so they sold their home and moved to the new one at Dunlop.

"There were no [neighbouring] houses here then, there was a nice farm across the road," Mrs Graham said.

"Gee, you've done a great job, Love," he had said.

But when Mr Graham bottled things up, her frustration boiled. "I would be the one yelling. All he would do was pat my hand and say , 'Sit down, Love. You are getting upset'.

"His patience for me was his best attribute. The boys just loved him. They called him 'Ace', it was his favourite name. The kids absolutely idolised him. You couldn't ask for more, really."

Two years after Mr Graham's death in 2006 their eldest son Warren was killed in a car accident.

Now 73 and in Legacy, Mrs Graham looks after nine widows and is president of North Canberra Laurel Club which looks after widows social wellbeing.

"It's busy but I love it. I'd be stuck if I didn't have any thing to do," she says.