NW brings news that Blac Chyna, a former stripper and current best friend of Kim Kardashian, is "rumoured to have undergone emergency surgery when her butt implants reportedly dislocated and flipped back-to-front".
Magwatch sincerely hopes Chyna has recuperated. But wishes, in a way, she could have eschewed the operation and soldiered on with a reverse bottom.
She could then have genuinely called it her "front bottom", silencing nitpickers who carp: "Your bottom is at the back. That is not your bottom." Magwatch will relinquish "front bottom" when another conversation-appropriate term is invented.
Woman's Day reports the now-expecting Princess Charlene of Monaco can finally escape years of snide remarks from her sister-in-law, Princess Caroline, about who will succeed to the Monegasque throne.
WD says Charlene can "triumphantly rub her twins in Princess Caroline's face". Magwatch hopes this is an old Monaco royal custom and imagines Princess Grace of Monaco rubbing her three newly born children into relatives' faces while aristocratic guests looked on with regal pride.
As the Beyonce/Jay Z/Solange lift dust-up fracas fades, New Idea recalls rapper 50 Cent's recollections of the Bonce "attacking" him at a 2011 party. "[She] came running over cause she thought me and Jay had issues," he says. "I was like this: 'What?! That Bonnie and Clyde for real? You try this or what, boy?! I'm here!' She bugged out at me. I looked and Jay starts laughing. He's like: "Yo, you know what it is."
Magwatch absolutely knows what he is talking about. Magwatch is totally "street".