Exciting news for romance-fiction lovers as Woman's Day delivers the gripping 75th chapter in its Nicole Kidman-Keith Urban-Jennifer Lopez tragi-betrayal-love-gone-wrong-saga novel.
Titled Nicole's Tears: Keith and J Lo Shock!, this excerpt tables Urban and J Lo's physical movements at the finale of American Idol. It was here they "laughed", they "smiled" and they "embraced".
This means, as WD infers but gallantly declines to ventilate, J Lo and K Urb are having big, wild, hot betrayal sex behind lonely, tragic and desperate N Kid's back.
Magwatch is dubious. Looking at the photo of the pair's "embrace", we think it would be harder to envision a more awkward hug if Tony Abbott had to wrap his arms around a barefoot university fees protester who was wearing dreadlocks and a stinky flanno shirt.
New Idea reports that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West decided to "cover her chest completely" for their lavish wedding at a medieval Florence fort last month.
West wanted his bride to look "elegant and classy", says an "insider" – who, as we know, is probably a hat on a broomstick resting in the corner of the NI office.
Magwatch agrees with West on this salient point. If he had not stepped in, and Kardashian had decided to appear with chest completely uncovered during their nuptials, her paps would have flopped about, catching the fierce Italian sun, dishevelling the bouquet and getting in the way of the vows.
This would have cheapened the whole ceremony.
Jennifer Aniston has a "baby shock!". Not the kind of baby shock that entails her waking to an infant suckling her breast. Or a newborn swimming in her kale shake. She is shocked because a woman who may, or may not (New Idea is not sure), have married her brother has been carrying ultrasound pictures.
This is a "baby shock" for Aniston because, as almost every celebrity journal in the world decrees, she is desperate and purposeless without children.
OK! reveals the "love secrets" of three male contestants on TV show House Rules. One, aviation firefighter Lloyd Wright, says he can "make a rose out of a napkin". Magwatch hopes he wins.