It doesn't take a team of Scientologist spies to figure out Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise's marriage was in trouble.
Yesterday numerology, mysterious cars and a secret escape plan were behind their split, and today the gossip trade is resorting to that other old chestnut - body language analysis.
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Cruise and Holmes seek divorce
Celebrity couple Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are planning to divorce after six years of marriage.
Apparently just from looking at pictures of the couple in recent months you could tell it was all going straight to hell.
"Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise hold hands in an awkward fashion on last outing together," screams an equally awkward Daily Mail headline.
It goes on: "Candid family shots paint an awkward picture of the final weeks of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise's doomed marriage."
The article is based on photos of the couple in Louisiana in April, showing them holding hands, chatting and smiling.
Holmes was carrying a stuffed toy which is admittedly a little awkward, but surely not the deal breaker.
Us Magazine also urges readers to: "See Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes' Awkward Final Photo Together".
The photo shows the pair walking in Iceland together and the actress does indeed have a furrowed brow. A furrowed brow!
Many websites are also carrying pictures of Holmes stepping out in New York City for the first time since the divorce announcement.
For someone who, according to several reports from unnamed sources, fears she is being followed by a team of Scientologist spies Holmes looks ... pretty damn relaxed.
TMZ says: "Here's What Freedom Looks Like".
For someone who, according to several reports from unnamed sources, fears she is being followed by a team of Scientologist spies Holmes looks ... pretty damn relaxed
Really? A photo of a woman smiling vaguely in the middle of a paparazzi pack is what freedom looks like? So, not that video of lab chimps seeing sunlight for the first time after 30 years of medical testing?
The gossip website reported the final straw for Holmes was Cruise's decision to send their six-year-old daughter Suri to a "hardcore" Scientologist boot camp called Sea Organisation.
The boot camp teaches the highest levels of Scientology to children as young as five, who are sent there without their parents, TMZ reported.
According to a copy of a Sea Organisation contract published by the Los Angeles Times in 2005, members agree to commit to it for one billion years. One. billion. years. That is actually pretty hardcore.
The Church of Scientology has since denied Suri Cruise was a candidate for Sea Org, which their lawyer says has a minimum age restriction of 16.
Us Magazine has one hell of a scoop.
Get this: Katie Holmes bought flowers, laundry detergent, cleaning supplies, olive oil and "other items" the day before she filed for divorce.
An "onlooker" told the magazine she was nice "but not effusive".
The trusty onlooker also caught a touching moment between Holmes and her daughter, which sounds like something straight out of a particularly cheesy episode of Dawson's Creek.
"Once they reached the checkout line, Holmes hugged Suri. 'You know you are an amazing little girl, right?' she told her daughter, according to the onlooker. 'I love you more than anything'."
Holmes will soon be able to buy a lot more of those "other items", with her estimated $US25 million worth expected to swell in the divorce settlement, America's ABC News reported.