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What the gossip mags say

IT MUST be summer again; the weight-loss stories are back. For a change, no one seems to be spruiking the latest miracle diet this week; there's just some surprising honesty. Do you want to know how supermodels really stay thin, Grazia asks.

Is there a special food plan? A secret exercise? Black magic? Nope. They just don't eat, so its cover story, ''Shape-Up Secrets, How Victoria's Secret Angels Get Those Bodies'', reveals. ''Three days before the show, they all fast,'' a source says. ''No solid foods at all.'' How incredibly dangerous and so unnecessary, Woman's Day points out.

Melissa Doyle has managed to have an ''amazing 3-day slim down'', its cover shouts, just by dressing nicely. ''Shapewear and a well-applied fake tan'' are all it takes, apparently. Former Packed to the Rafters star Jessica Marais agrees, telling New Idea that she looks so good just months after having a baby is thanks to the ''1950s' equivalent of Spanx''.

Mind you, there's some work in the kitchen and the gym too, but the message, at last, is: be yourself and hide the bits you hate.

Much less honest is the latest round of ''fauxmances'', love affairs that actually aren't love; the couples who aren't couples; the stars supposedly in relationships that no one aside from a magazine editor with a strong imagination would know anything about.

For example, Johanna Griggs and her former husband Gary Sweet had a ''shock reunion'' New Idea says, before explaining that they just bumped into each other at the races; Russell Crowe has a new ''secret woman'', an English mother of four (also New Idea), who is the mother of one of the South Sydney players Russ knows and not romantically linked to him at all; Katie Holmes has shared a ''Steamy Kiss!'' that's got Tom Cruise ''spitting chips'', Woman's Day says, before revealing she was kissing an actor, on stage, in a play; Russell Brand has been wooing Victoria Beckham, NW insists, in a series of late-night sexy telephone calls, but then adds: ''She's been like a sister'' to him. Ewww.

Best of all is the ''shock revelation'' in New Idea and Woman's Day that Kirstie Alley had affairs with both John Travolta and Patrick Swayze.

She never actually slept with either man, she reveals, and neither star knew he was having an affair with her, but she sure liked them a lot. Stay tuned for the next instalment in this ''love story'', when Travolta discovers what's happened to all those things that have gone missing from his clothesline down the years and takes out an AVO.