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Kim Kardashian and the torturous 'waist trainer'

Gravity-defying: the 'monokini'.

Gravity-defying: the 'monokini'.

Look! There on the footpath! Faster than a catwalk model, she can leap tall men with a single glance! More powerful than Lindsay Lohan in short shorts! Is it a swimsuit? A jumpsuit? A bikini? (Gasp for air here.)

It's a Kardashian! The one who stirs controversy by wearing mind-boggling, bottom-enhancing outfits. This week, darling Kim shows off her torso, which appears to be powered by some force of physics not yet known to mankind.

The "monokini", as I'm going to call it, should not be worn out of the house by regular folk without stylists, surgeons, dieticians, personal trainers, chefs or full-time nannies, and who have to walk more than 10 metres at a time.  

Waist-cinching: Kim Kardashian shows off her shape.

Waist-cinching: Kim Kardashian shows off her shape.

The entire outfit seems to defy gravity, as do her breasts, and leaves me with questions such as: is there a breast fairy holding your boobs up? Can I borrow her? Did you remember to bring extra double-sided tape? Have you thought about wearing a singlet with that? And … is that a nipple? All the way up there?

Such a realistic role model for new mums. Thanks, Kimmy.

It's all down to a bizarre weight-loss practice, naturally. In early August she tweeted she needed to lose around nine kilograms: "Can't seem to shake this last 15-20 lbs of baby weight."

Kim K and the waist 'trainer'.

Kim K and the waist 'trainer'. Photo: Kim Kardashian Instagram

"I'm not gonna call it baby weight bc thats an excuse, I just gained weight & that's it. Why is it so much harder to lose after baby though!!… ughhhh my hips & butt are huge now! They were big to begin with!"

And she's taken this monokini opportunity to show off a trimmer bod just a few weeks later, apparently achieved with the aid of a low-carb diet. Oh, and a waist trainer.

Yes, waist trainer. Aka a corset - which, you know, encourages your waist to be smaller. The medieval torture tool, sorry, corset, cinches your waist in and over time, breeds your body to a certain shape. Kind of like foot binding. All you have to do is wear a painfully tight swathe of fabric around your belly for hours on end, which restricts your breathing and "can squish your lungs by 30 to 60 per cent ", according to one website advocating the practice. Sounds fun, right?

When I first saw her in a corset on Instagram (of course, she was paid to flog it), I thought there must something more. Did it vibrate? Was it secreting some kind of magic dragon powder to melt the fat away? No. It's purely what women wore in the 18th century to create the illusion of a smaller waist, fainting as they did so. I assumed we were well past inflicting such torment on ourselves, but those Kardashians! ! They'll pull you back a few centuries if you let 'em!

All of which has led to Kim trying to sell the monokini as an acceptable piece of clothing.

So at the risk of me sounding like a dad, Kim, let me give you some advice: Tuck your nipples in, love, you're going to get photographed anyway. There's no need to amp up surgery rumours while possibly harming your body in another desperate grab for money and attention.

Whoops, sorry. For a moment,   I forgot who I was talking to. 

 

FASHION NEWS

New season, new sunglasses
Fast forward to a summer wardrobe instantly, with a new pair of sunnies from Le Specs. Inspired by '50s pop art, the new collection is loud and bold, featuring spots, bright colours and stud detailing. Starring in the campaign is The Face Australia finalist, Yaya Deng, who was handpicked by Le Specs designer Hamish Tame. "Yaya really knocked it out of the ball park for me," Tame says. "She has an incredibly strong presence and I knew immediately she'd be perfect for this campaign." From $59.95-79.95, it's the easiest way to summer-ise your look.

Little Black Jeans
Inspired by the Little Black Dress, which, as every woman knows, is an essential in our wardrobes, J Brand has photographed The Little Black Jeans campaign, to illustrate that black jeans are a must-have for the modern woman. I couldn't agree more. They dress up an outfit more so than blue jeans and can take you from day to night. The master of the campaign, Louisa McLean from J Brand, chose Australian model Montana Cox to feature in it as "she has the essence of style that is effortlessly chic and understated cool". The Little Black Jeans collection will have its own page on David Jones' online store (davidjones.com.au), and if shoppers go in person to a major David Jones store, they'll get retail specialists for fittings and expert denim advice.

30 Days of Fashion & Beauty
This weekend kicks off a month of fashion and beauty events led by ambassador and new Australia's Next Top Model  mentor Cheyenne Tozzi. From runway shows to in-store beauty events, if you're a fashion and beauty addict, head to 30daysoffashionandbeauty.com.au to see what's on near you. Today, check out "Runway Weekend", a collection of catwalk fashion shows on the forecourt of Sydney's St Mary's Cathedral with fashion shows by Elle, Harper's Bazaar, Cleo, Shop Til You Drop, The Australian Woman's Weekly, Cosmopolitan and more. The shows are free.

 

FASHION SALES

Father's Day pre-sale!
Get in quick for 25 per cent  off a new range of Nautica polo shirts just in time for Father's Day. The brand has released a new range of men's polos for spring in a range of colours and designs. Perfect if you're a last-minute shopper. Visit nautical.com.au for stockists.

Josh Goot sale

Get thee to 2-14 Vine St, Redfern, today for a flurry of Josh Goot clothing at up to 75 per cent  off autumn/winter. Everything from his famous statement dresses to tops and skirts all in his signature prints will be on sale.  

Pratten accessories sale

Colourful leather and printed fabric wallets, bags, clutches and purses are on sale for up to 50 per cent  off at pratten.com.au. Our pick is the zebra print purse for $19 – great for coming beach days.

End of season online sales

Click on theiconic.com.au for its winter sale. Both men's and women's clothing, shoes and accessories are up to 70 per cent off.

Shop the Myer clearance sale online at myer.com.au with end of season clothing, shoes, underwear and accessories priced to clear. Shop labels like Jayson Brunsdon, Nearly Nude and Fiorelli.

David Jones' end of season sale is on with labels like Bassike, Mink Pink, Ginger & Smart, Bec & Bridge all discounted online and in-store. Visit shop.davidjones.com.au.

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