Fashion fail ... wearing a waistcoat won't make you look like Johnny Depp.
A discussion on morning television this week turned to the topic of men’s fashion. More accurately – the types of clothes women hate men to wear. We had a hilarious debate and the conversation was full of the usual suspects: Ugg boots with shorts, Hawaiian shirts, Ugg boots over jeans, skinny ties, Ugg boots outside of the house, three-quarter length cargos and absolutely any style of pants that are belted below the bottom.
When the cameras stopped rolling the conversation didn’t – everyone has an opinion on the topic. Fellow panelist, model Jesinta Campbell hates white suits. I agree with her - unless you’re Italian or in a Saturday Night Fever tribute band a white suit looks like a costume. The make-up department hates men in necklaces and diamond rings, while one producer can’t stand men in slogan t-shirts: “What sort of fool walks around wearing something that says, “If you can read this it means the b*&*$h fell off?”
I kept the question alive asking every woman in the office, mums on the school run and a bunch of teenage girls at the gym. The feedback was passionate and a theme quickly emerged – so here, with no scientific qualification whatsoever, is the Top Ten Things Women Hate About Your Wardrobe.
1. Lycra: Off a bike, out of the Olympic stadium, away from the ice rink or ballroom floor Lycra is deeply unsexy. Shiny, tight, bright – these are not adjectives woman equate with romance. Or performance.
2. Short Sleeve Shirts: The Gods Of Fashion were very, very bored the day they invented short sleeves. Real shirts have long ones that can be rolled. The End.
3. Waistcoats worn over shirts without jackets: You are not Captain Jack Sparrow. Wearing a waistcoat won’t make you look like Johnny Depp. It will make you look like Johnny Depp’s waiter.
4. Skinny jeans plus sporty legs: Same rules apply for both the sexes on this one. Over stretched, stuffed denim is not attractive. Skinny jeans are for skinny people with skinny legs.
5.Tracksuit pants without underwear: What? I need to explain this one?
6. The One Direction Look: Coloured cropped jeans, stripe top, Harry hair, cardigan, sneakers without socks… if you’re no longer at school and this describes what you’ve got on right now - then you look utterly ridiculous.
7. Flannelette Shirts: The majority of women aren’t feeling men in a classic woodsman check. Personally, I disagree - in the right setting, on the right guy this look can be totally Marlboro Man.
8. Sports Merchandise: Head-to toe fanwear is not hot. Would you mind restricting it to The Game and camping trips. Also would you mind never wearing it in the bedroom. Like ever.
9. Shark Tooth Necklaces: Have you fended off a Killer Of The Sea and survived? If the answer is ‘no’ then maybe you should have a long hard think about why the shark tooth attached to a piece of leather is hanging around your neck.
10. Crocs: These shoes are genius inventions for toddlers, rock fisherman and sailors. They were never supposed to be worn in restaurants or on first dates.
The last word goes to designer Peter Morrissey who was part of aforementioned panel. He quipped: “Men should never wear a strapless evening dress with an open toe-shoe”.