On the other hand, these berries have been produced without the miracle of pollination, either by me with a small paint-brush or by any wild insect species, unless they snuck in around the screen door when I wasnt looking. Because this coffee bush lives indoors, and has done so for two years, ever since Bryan decided it had grown too big to carry in each winter, and out each spring.

The coffee bush hasnt minded. It gets enough light between the two corner windows in the living room. Admittedly the scale have been a problem, and their sticky excretions sometimes ooze down the cork tiles around it so your feet get sticky, but as long as I remember to scrape the scales off every few weeks and wipe down the leaves it isnt a problem. (The non-human predators took care of the scale when it was outside. I could invite a few yellow robins indoors, but they might make more of a mess than the scale.)

And somehow those sweet coffee bushs white flowers have finally formed berries and the berries are ripe and it is time to roast and make the coffee.

The sudden rush of berry production might also be due to the fact that the bush has doubled in size in the past three months. This is probably not a coincidence. About three months ago I began pouring the coffee grounds into the coffee plant pot. The plant didnt wither, so I kept doing it, especially as the mornings have been too chilly to want to venture out onto the morning frost with them. There is now a thick layer of coffee mulch on the bush. And it loves it.

Which makes sense. What better to feed a coffee bush with than old coffee? Especially now its been transmorgified into a form that by boiling etc is unlikely to transmit any coffee diseases. A sort of coffee cannibalism. No, scrap that. It is exactly cannibalism. And it would work with most plants, as their remnants have to be well processed by hot composting to make sure you dont pass on diseases or pests. But the coffee-making process covers that pretty well.

If you fancy your own coffee plant, go online a few nurseries stock them. Youll need frost-free conditions, either in or outdoors, for the plants to grow, flower and fruit heavy frost kills them. Youll also need at least six full-size (i.e. at least two metres high) bushes to be reasonably self-sufficient in coffee, or more if your family adores coffee. Coffee bushes can grow taller than that, but are best kept pruned to easy picking height. And they also need to be fed and watered very well.

Weve tried other tropicals as indoor plants. Cinnamon grows beautifully use the tiny leaf petioles as your bush will never grow to a tree size in the living room and therefore be large enough to peel off lengths of cinnamon bark. Allspice trees or small indoor bushes are better value, as each leaf smells divine. Bake them with your custards to give them flavour or dry them and crumble to use instead of ground nutmeg.

Avocados also make good indoor plants too you may even get some fruit, but not until your bush gets to about two metres high, i.e. almost at ceiling height as do tamarillos, which will fruit at about a metre and a half.

Ive tried mangos one seed will give you two trees, so cut off the less vigorous seedling but they werent really happy indoors. Or outdoors either, for that matter its taken about a decade to get our mango tree to grow to my height, and if we ever do get fruit it will probably taste of nothing much, like the rare paw-paws and bananas we get in this climate too.

Backhousia citriodora, the native lemon myrtle grows beautifully indoors in a sunny spot though, and the lemon scented leaves are good in cooking, too. Speaking of lemon, someone planted a bit of lemon grass in a potted begonia in the living room this summer, and its been growing happily among the begonia leaves. Worth trying give it plenty of light, warmth and water. And, now and then, some coffee grounds wont hurt.

Roasting the beans

Each coffee flower produces a two-lobed fruit, the coffee berry. This is green at first, then red, then bright scarlet. At that stage they should be picked. Each lobe of the fruit contains a seed: the coffee bean. These need to be separated from the berry, which is usually done by a process of fermentation. But for home use it is enough to soak the berry in water until the outside can be removed easily. This should take three to four days. Dry the beans thoroughly in the sun for a week or two till the beans turn bluey green.

Now spread the beans on trays and turn them once or twice a day, bringing them inside if necessary, away from rain and dew. When they are dried, rub them vigorously together to take off the outer skins. The beans are then roasted at about 200C till they have caramelised slightly, turning yellow then brown. Dont overcook them. You will know when your coffee is roasted sufficiently by the smell as well as the colour: take your coffee from the oven when the fragrance fills the kitchen. The beans should now be brittle and incredibly fragrant. By this time they will have lost about one-fifth of their weight.

Grind them in a coffee grinder or in a blender, preferably just before you are going to use them. You will vary the flavour of your coffee by the amount of time you take to dry it, roast it, and ferment it. The flavour also changes with the type of beans and with the growing conditions.

This week I am: