The CityKat year in review
Here we are again. Six years of sex, love, dating and relationships. Not bad team. Not bad at all. And my, haven’t we done a lot this year? Following is a re-cap, including my favourite comments, a few select doozies, and the Best Comment Of The Year. But first I’d like to stress the importance of the ‘we’.
While I’m the one who comes up with topics and cashes the cheques, it’s you guys who kick on the conversation – a conversation about the kind of topics that damn well need discussing. Shut-up to all the nincompoops who are dismissive of this blog’s subject matter because - let’s face it - sex happens. So do love and relationships. But it’s how they happen that matters. There’s a lot of bad sex and heartbreak out there that needn’t be. There are a lot of relationships ripped apart by avoidable matters. No-one is born knowing how to be a good lover, mother, husband or happily confirmed singleton.
We’re all flawed. We’re all going to stuff-up. Frankly, it’s how you handle it that counts. So whether you read the year-in-review to come, or simply this bit, or merely the headline, I hope to read your thoughts about what 2012 has revealed, and what you want from the year ahead.
For my part, it’s been a big year. I’ve been heartbroken. I’ve been alone. I’ve been challenged. I’ve had hot sex, lovely sex, no sex and the best sex of my young life. And, like you, I’ve done it all while toiling and trying and failing, and trying again and again. Right now, I couldn’t be happier, humbled as I am by the great weight of the world and the lives of everybody in it.
How about you?
The Most Auspicious CityKat Blog Year-In-Review
“Ok Men. Why are you so angry?” I asked off the back of an article from the Middle East couched in the massive events happening in that neck of the woods, and contextualised by the so-called masculinity crisis allegedly swamping our shores. Not unsurprisingly, an impassioned discussion followed. The idea that depression was “anger turned inwards” was raised along with a lengthy discussion about male sadness and suicide. Some commenters suggested anger was inherently ‘male’; others conjured big ideas about feminism and misogyny, materialism and ego, nature, nurture and neutering, while DaisyDuke wrote “this is a furphy, young men have always been angry, the current media just makes it more visible now.”
But the winning comment?
- “Articles like this make me angry. Condescending.”
(For the hilarity. Honestly, there were far too many profound and thoughtful comments for me to pick just one...)
Sometimes I wonder whether I’m really as straight as I think I am. And thinking is the key word here – rarely would I begin by saying, 'Hello, I’m Katherine Feeney, and I am a heterosexual.' Well, I still wonder. I still find women gorgeous and delicious and utterly beautiful. And I still support the sexuality continuum concept with the same fervour I support gay marriage.
But the winning comment?
- “...There can be no doubt that homosexuality is socially destructive, though. Anyone who studies history knows that in the pattern of the rise and fall of civilisations, toward the end open homosexuality becomes accepted. It is part of the moral unravelling of a society, which in the end accepts anything and therefore stands for nothing. Look at the ancient Greeks, for example.”
Carl wins because he is a dedicated commenter. He has been participating in the blog discussions for nearly as long as I’ve been writing them. Even if some of his views are controversial. Which raises an interesting question – when it comes to diversity of opinion, where do you draw the line?
(I certainly had to ask that question when it came to the other big blog for the month. The games we play garnered a huge response; 236 comments, response articles at Crikey, AusGamers and Kotaku, and a full day of Twitter jousting. There were trolls. There were outraged gamers. There were also a few reasonable voices who disagreed and debated. Thanks to them I learned a few things. Because of the haters, I hardened my resolve to crack down on crap next year.)
Forget CityKat, 2012 will be remembered as a big year for tobacco. The year cigarettes and sex appeal finally divorced amid a chorus of hacking coughs. Still, Mad Men had me asking whether every cigarette really was doing your love life damage. Turns out they do; smoking was variously confirmed as a deal-breaker, death-bringing, love-killer and total turn-off.
Comments ranged from CarlT’s “smoking is a vile, filthy, disgusting drug addiction” to Rastus’ larger point about bad behaviour and joy of partnering up with someone who at least matches his "best part of a wine bottle a day drinking habit".
But it was Matt from Melbourne who saw the issue and raised it:
- “I find it interesting that there is a lot of 'gross', 'disgusting' and 'stupid' comments here. I mean, really, how many things are known to cause health issues and they're not getting bashed about...”
“Hello, I am Marital Prostitution. I’m those things that happily wedded men and women do when they’re trying to curry favour with their partner.”
(Boy did this little dialogue set fingers tapping)
Ann Droid was surprised (“Wow CK where did THAT rant come from?”), Mark from Brisbane was bemused (“...people these days actually still bother with marriage?”), Spike was resigned to the fact that marriage makes men miserable, but it was Jetsam who wins by saying:
- “In marriage, sometimes you get what you want and sometimes you don't. This view of it as MP is such a self-centred approach nine times out of ten from what I see..... people focusing on what they want or don't get, or whether the other one is getting 'more' than they are and failing to think of the many small daily sacrifices we make in a partnership for the other - and sometimes bigger sacrifices - for the betterment of the relationship. If you truly love someone, you take pleasure in their pleasure and successes as well as your own. In sex, for example, focusing on their pleasure will reward you with their pleasure and future interest in the act - a win all round ;) I've recently come to the conclusion that many people don't truly love at all, and don't want to put in any effort to be happy. Never have and never will.”
Food for thought indeed.
“So she cut off her hair. And this is a problem because?”
Yes. It was winter, and I went from this to this:
Shock. Horror. Commentpalooza.
Steve from Sydney :
- “Only ugly people think looks aren't important.”
Davy from Sydney:
- "LOL! heterosexuals: so trapped in an image of what society says they are supposed to be. I pity them :)"
- “as long as a woman has good skin and a friendly personality they can be bald for all i care”
Wombat from Brisbane went a little further:
- “The further a woman's hair falls towards her breasts, the more likely we are to be able to comment on it. Men hate short hair because it quickly becomes apparent that's not where we were looking.”
And then there was the dude:
- “I always wonder with short hair....lesbian? But i do live in Brunswick”
Well it was a blog about hair. Though I might add, this was one of the most emailed-about blogs of the year. An interesting fact in itself.
But my favourite?
Our reader entry of course:
Apropos, Michael Durrand who asked you to “Take it from a 36yo, married father of four with a great sex life” and believe that “Monogamy is underrated”.
The best? Clearly from not who you think it is who had a go at speaking for everybody:
"Crazy old cat man: Get back to us in five years.
Mum of four: See I told you so, of course married women are up for it.
Bender: They all turn evil.
Blue witch: Maybe they just don't want to do it with you.
Benderina: Who cares? Don't get married and enjoy toy boys.
"Right, now we can all get some work done this arvo."
(And then there was August. August was not a good month. Which might explain...)
At first, I agreed with Victorious Painter (“...some people are unable to accept responsibility for their actions therefore the truth may not be convenient...”) until he said “once a cheater always a cheater”.
I wasn’t alone. Poor old VP opened a proverbial can-of and was taken to task by Babette, MO4, Mike, AT, Bender...
Meanwhile Ronaldo’s good head-scratcher went largely ignored (“The truth does not always set you free. If anything, it'll do more damage. Just saying.”), egg’s lol got little reply-play (“Cheating is putting your ding dong in someone other than your wife's/partner/girlfriend's birth canal. All else is hooey.”), and my writing was panned by some people I feel kinda-sorta-actually-really missed the whole bloody point.
But it was Daver from Melbourne whose words really struck a chord with me:
- “That no one can be perfectly faithful is not an argument against the virtue of faithfulness. Nor does it make valuing faithfulness a delusion or a hypocrisy. So I'd say no, recognising that we all cheat, doesn't mean we should resign ourselves to be 'just useless cheaters'. It just means we need to be honest and humble about our faithfulness.”
But September also brought us: Girls like that might go for guys like you. A blog that would actually change the course of my life, and one unique in that the winning reader comment was never published. They know who they are...
(*September was also the month we asked Why men pay for sex. 480 comments before we closed the doors, forcing the question: Why such a big response?)
One word: Anal
And I’m not picking a favourite. The whole discussion stands testament to the fact you can talk about taboos, without everyone screaming. And I stand by what I said.
It is time to bring bum-sex into the open and ask: is it safe, and is it satisfying?
However, it was Why do men avoid marriage that really made waves. 551 comments before we closed.
Percy from Surry Hills said his lovely girlfriend would never be his wife, and was roasted. Alistair wrote ‘diatribe’ and was roasted. Greg said “marriage was not the problem”, the likelihood of subsequent divorce was, lighting a fire under every “vindictive bitch” commenter yet to pick up a spear and take a stab. And then Bob Rhino wrote some compelling stuff about widower-hood and the grossness of common assumptions, and Dr Rock pointed out that the bigger M word was Maturity.
My favourite? Possibly because of where I find myself this Christmas, I’ll call out ‘Contented’, Brisbane:
- “We were married in 1982 at ages 21 (nearly 22) and 19. Definitely young but it is the best thing we ever did. Has the road been easy? No. There have been some major health issues. Would we do it again? In a heartbeat. I am looking forward to growing old with my beautiful wife. Our happiness comes from being best friends above all else.”
And the year that was.
But the award for Best Comment Of The Year?
Commenter Bob Rhino, Westish Re: The Shane Warne School of Dating:
- The problem with using Shane Warne as an example of what is wrong with the dating approach of boofhead bogan Aussies is that he does alright - more than alright, he pulls World Class Top Shelf Crumpet. If you had two dating school franchises open up on the Eastern Seaboard, the first being “Enrico’s European School of Romance” and the second “Shane Warne’s Accelerated Academy of Pulling Top Shelf Dolly Birds” guess which one would get to an IPO first?”
How about you? What have been your best and worst moments on the blog this year? Or life in general? Sharing is caring, lovers!
And yes, I will be taking a break over Christmas. Hope your time between is happy, healthy and safe. Feel free to drop me a line, or follow me via the usual spots...
See you in 2013!