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Bridemaids Blog

PT0M10S http://www.canberratimes.com.au/action/externalEmbeddedPlayer?id=d-1ttf2 620 349

There are only a few things that I'm embarrassed by.

One is verbal (and physical) diarrhoea.

The second is the way Julia Gillard pronounces "nay shun".

January Jones' walk of shame is nearly as embarrassing as a goofy goodbye.

January Jones' walk of shame is nearly as embarrassing as a goofy goodbye.

And the third is the moment when you have to say goodbye to someone you're crushing on or crashing out with.


  

I've thumbed my way through enough "improve your love life" guides to know that there are no chapters on how to execute the perfect dating dismount – the cringe-inducing minutes at the end of a date or the morning after when you have to say goodbye.

I'm talking about those seconds that occur before the 'walk of shame' – what's the most appropriate behaviour for this situation?

Even such titles as How To Find Mr Right in the Fruit and Vegetable section of the Supermarket in the Midst of a Man Drought and He's Just Not That Into You (and is Probably Considering a Restraining Order) cannot offer up advice of how to make the perfect exit.

So, you've had a nice night with a guy/lady you've known for a few weeks then one thing leads to another...

Cut to the morning after and the awkward farewell has to happen – whether it's a cheeky pre-dawn dash (by you or him) or an invite to breakfast – there's always a certain amount of cringe that comes with the start of a new fling.

Bridesmaids offers up two very different scenarios that I believe most women (and some blokes) have been in.

Being blunt, like Jon Hamm's character, works when you don't want to embark on anything other than erotic extracurricular activities and a nice guy (or gal) will make an effort, e.g. when Officer Rhodes makes Annie coffee and asks her to stay over and bake - #cute.

I may be a little precious, but once upon a time after spending a lovely evening with someone that I genuinely liked, his parting words to me before an early morning flight (he actually did have a plane to catch I promise) were "nice to meet you" and a handshake – pretty much the personified version of the full stop.

The whole delightfully pleasant time we had spent together was erased as I stood there in last night's outfit and make up looking like a stunned mullet (my hair resembled one as well).

"Oh come on! Everyone knows that you always say 'speak to you soon' even if you have no intention of ever seeing each other again," my hopelessly romantic bestie, who once sent a text to a guy following a date, saying "I should have gone in for the kiss" and never received a reply, said.

Another added, "When I was younger and single I would never partake in goodbyes, I would always do a Harold Holt in the middle of night and by-passing the whole awkwardness in the morning."

As I continued to recall the vague valediction to my friends we began to compile a list of scenarios and sayings that should never happen upon departure from a date and/or sleep over.

1.      The words – how, much, do, I, owe and you should never be used in the same sentence.

2.      If you find yourself in a secured apartment complex, protect your outfit and bones by learning the security code and where the exit button is.

3.      Always change or at least brush your teeth if you decide to continue on for breakfast, "no post-sex glow can hide last night's outfit in a chic breakfast spot," another male mate chimed in.

4.      Meeting the parents should happen three months into a relationship, not three hours after an orgasm. Suss out his or her living situation beforehand.

5.      You'll be able to laugh about the awkwardness with the right person – this came from my deliriously happily married friend who just announced her third pregnancy by yelling "I'm knocked up. Wahoo!" to the whole office.

What are your tips for the end of the date? Do you get awkward and embarrassed or is it just me?

P.S. I did in fact hear from Mr "Nice to meet you" again. I'll keep you posted (insert winky face here).

twitter Follow Jenna Clarke on Twitter @jennamclarke