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All about the G-Spot (and the A-Spot, the O-Spot...)

Date

How long does it take to bring a woman to climax?

Well, it depends, but if you’re really serious about doing it, and doing it right, you should be doing it for at least 20 minutes. That’s if you’re using your tongue, a certain way, in a sustained fashion, and hitting the right spots. And yes, I said spots. Because there’s more than just one zone you should shoot for, and they’re not all between her legs. Of course, anyone who’s an expert in the four-spot-method will be familiar with that ...

Ok. I’ll rewind.

Ladies and Gentlemen.

Have you heard of the A-Spot, the O-Spot and the Deep Vaginal Erogenous Zone? Are you familiar with the four-spot method? Do you enjoy orgasms that last? Do you enjoy orgasms at all?

If you’re a straight woman, chances are you’re less likely to report orgasming as much as the men you have sex with. There is, unfortunately, less research on lesbians, but I’m going to assume they’re perhaps a little more satisfied than many of their hetero sisters. Even so, I wonder whether lesbians are any more informed than straight men and women about the various yum-buttons mentioned above. And I might mention the fault does not necessarily lie with a lack of trying – we all know good lovers love to please. However there are many sexually frustrated people out there and a lack of orgasmic accomplishment has a lot to do with it. More on that later.

First, let’s get back to the four-spot-method, something I’ve only recently learned thanks to a session spent boning up on a sexual phenomenon dubbed ‘ESR’.

What is ESR you ask?

Simply, it is Extended Sexual Response. It’s a female sexual response, it is a relatively rare response, and, importantly, it is a learned response. Essentially, ESR is a fancy way of saying the best sex you’re likely to have in your life. Women who have ESR are likely to have certain characteristics, and there are certain ways of helping achieve ESR. And the good news is it’s all linked to a body of research that shows men can orgasm better too (yes fellows, there’s more to it than a shudder and squirt).

According to the study that has, er, most recently aroused my excitement, ESR is preliminarily defined as “being able to attain long lasting and/or prolonged and/or multiple and/or sustained orgasms and/or status orgasmus that lasted longer and more intense than the classical orgasm patterns defined in the literature”.

And when I say sustained I mean orgasms that last anywhere up to, and over, 10-15 minutes.

How does that compare with the orgasms you enjoy, or the orgasms you’ve elicited?

If you can relate as a subject, then you’re probably a woman who exhibits some of the ten characteristics identified as ESR contributors such as a high libido, sensitive erogenous zones beyond the clitoris, regular masturbations and erotic fantasies, and strong pelvic floor muscles (who else is doing their Kegels now?). You may also be using some sex toys and sexual novelties, and have experienced sexuality with “very knowledgeable partners who can maintain sexual intercourse for more than 30 minutes or more in more than 50% of their sexual encounters.” (Yes please).

And if you’re relating as subjector, then you may be one of the aforementioned sexual partners, and so might also already be familiar with the four-spot method. (If that is you, I apologise. If it isn’t, or if you’d simply like a refresher, please read on).

The four-spot-method, as outlined in this research, is strongly aligned with the achievement of ESR and goes like this:

“The male partner uses his left hand’s second and third fingers to stimulate the G-Spot upward, fourth finger of the left hand is used to stimulate anus. The head is in between the legs of the woman to perform cunnilingus, which should be continued for at least 30 to 40 minutes, with up and down continuous movements of the tongue (1-3 Hz). The right hand should be stimulating the left nipple of the women. Thus anus, G-Spot, glans clitoris, nipples are stimulated at the same time until she reaches a series of orgasms, which may last for more than 2-5 minutes. In between these stimulations, rotating probe and vibrating vibes can be used to stimulate the deep vaginal erogenous zones (DVZ).”

... so in other words, the four-spots relates to multiple erogenous zones, and the method relates to, well, a lot of real hard work. Which begs questions about whether you’re likely to achieve ESR with anyone beyond a committed sexual partner, whether ESR is, y’know, really all that practical, and whether most women would actually feel comfortable being twisted and rubbed and fiddled with thus.

Practicality and partners aside, the question about comfort is an important one. Especially when you consider how often we’re told women struggle with orgasm, women struggle with their sexuality, women struggle with their bodies. There’s a great bout of dialogue in Chasing Amy (yes, I really did love that flick) between a straight guy and a lesbian lady about why it was so many women hate getting head – read: “because of the smell-thing!” And it’s a legitimate point to make, when you consider the very many, very strong social cues about how gross the natural functions of female bodies can be (see ‘vaginal discharge’, see ‘the male fear of menstruation’, see 'tightening cream’). I certainly can relate – it’s taken me quite some time to grow accustomed to the way things work, to set aside my squeamishness about the sounds and smells and sights involved with the pursuit of fleshy pleasure and just, well, freaking enjoying.

Which is probably why I think it’s important to briefly raise some recent science on sex and disgust in relation to this conversation (we've covered disgust before). For any woman or man who has ever felt inhibited by things they may consider to be ‘disgusting’, please read about this idea what is ‘gross’ may be less so in sex ... something we might want to consider in relation to my earlier point about orgasmic accomplishment.

But of course, orgasms aren’t the point of sex. We should note that sex is still just about making babies for some people. For others, it’s a nice way to be close to people you love, and minds don’t need to be blown every time. And some people use sex negatively – as a power tool, or as food for a deep insecurity. What’s important to remember is that sex is vast and complex, and it can be beautiful and it can be ugly.

It should always be consented to, and it should always be pleasurable, for both partners, at the very least.

I wonder, how many of us can say so much is true?

Do you enjoy a satisfying sex life? Do orgasms feature? Are you willing to work for your rewards, or do you think people take sex and so forth a little too seriously?

@katherinefeeney

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kfeeney@fairfaxmedia.com.au

190 comments

  • and they men are complicated creatures?, yeh right.

    Commenter
    Victorious Painter
    Date and time
    September 19, 2012, 6:46AM
    • now that i'm awake,
      the B-spot is the one i find works better for both genders than all others combined and it got left out, poor research i say. the brain is a powerfull organ indeed.

      Commenter
      Victorious Painter
      Date and time
      September 19, 2012, 9:41AM
    • Hmmm, I must be some type of savant.

      Whilst not utilising the quite the same Twister/IKEAesq, instruction set listed here, I've consistently enjoyed lovemaking and orgasm inducement with similar methods. When it gets down to it there are only so many sexually sensitive zones any one individual enjoys, and for most there are a handful of the same ones.
      Interestingly, many women gasp and wonder what the hell is actually being done to stimulate those amazing and long lasting feelings, which indicates a generally poor sexual openness or adventurism by them or their partners previously. Sad really.

      Ultimately, I think it's a simple matter of both partners/participants being imaginative, open and adventurous. Many people are simply inhibited, to varying degrees, and afraid of just letting go. Few things are more liberating than some good old wild, but considerate, abandon and it's damned exciting to boot.

      Also, instead of the common advice of sitting down and having a good old chat about what you do/don't want or like, (may as well have a few bex while you're at it!) I think it's better to slowly, and I mean slowly, carefully and gently, just try things out while being very focused on your partners reactions. The only pre sex contract required is mutual respect.
      It ain't hard to figure if it's a smiley "ooh!, or a quizzical and more frownish "Umm, what're they doing??". The perineum is a perfect example of a place where it's close enough to "normal" expected touching to cheekily, but again slowly, move down and gently test the reaction. I can't recall anyone reacting badly to this method of exploration.

      CityKat has presented us with what sounds like a helluva complicated, and to me unsexy, instructional guide. The reality is though that sex ain't/shouldnt be rocket science.

      Commenter
      Warwick
      Date and time
      September 19, 2012, 12:33PM
    • Where's the leash? I think I'll just take Spot for a walk........

      Commenter
      Casanova
      Location
      Paris
      Date and time
      September 20, 2012, 8:37AM
    • @ Casanova:

      Run Spot, run!

      Commenter
      MO4
      Date and time
      September 20, 2012, 6:52PM
  • G'day Kate

    Typical Scandinavian approach - formularise it and make it complicated!

    Good love is neither a formula nor complicated - it's natural. And, it's an interaction between two people caring for each other.

    Let me add that selfish love is neither complicated nor natural - it's disrespectful to both.

    My life partner gets aroused on HER terms. That is, some days she is highly arousable, other days she is not. On the days when she is not 'arousable', she likes long sustained cuddling and closeness. This may, or may not, lead to penetration.

    Given our ages, we've tried various approaches. And, we've stumbled upon the 'spots' you cite. Most women don't like two fingers - one used well is more than sufficient. Not all women like anal stimulation. And, not all women like frenetic or sustained oral.

    And, most importantly, the use / application of stimulation depends markedly on the mood, both when entering and during a love session.

    Given the wide variety of personal preferences and moods, to say there is an action formula is a nonsense. If there is any formula it is to listen, feel and emote with your partner and proceed at the speed at which both feel comfortable.

    As for the length of an orgasm, MMmmmmmm!!!

    There are the convulsively deep reactions - which are typically short in duration. Typically, these are multiple short, deep, climactic 'episodes'. Then there are the long sustained orgasm - a singular event. The latter I've only ever had the pleasure to know is via Tantric sexual love.

    Cheers

    Commenter
    Dalliance
    Date and time
    September 19, 2012, 7:52AM
    • Kate

      I read your reference article in detail.

      Then...

      I note you wrote...

      "First, let’s get back to the four-spot-method, something I’ve only recently learned thanks to a session spent boning up on a sexual phenomenon dubbed ‘ESR’."

      'Boning up'... meaning?

      Ahem...

      The article concludes...

      "ESR is believed to be experienced by a minority of women, while approximately, estimated 10-15 % of global women can learn and develop ESR."

      So, were you part of the 10-15% after 'boning up'?

      - - -

      On another note, did you note the release date of that research....

      Proceedings of Nordic Association of Clinical Sex Research (NACS) 2012 Helsinki Meeting, 4-7 October 2012, Helsinki, Finland

      Ah, Kate, you are truly a visionary.

      Cheers

      Commenter
      Dalliance in reply
      Date and time
      September 19, 2012, 9:12AM
    • "Given the wide variety of personal preferences and moods, to say there is an action formula is a nonsense. If there is any formula it is to listen, feel and emote with your partner and proceed at the speed at which both feel comfortable."

      Exactly. Even with the same partner, the mood can vary for different sexual encounters. However, some stimulation of different sensitive areas at the same time can be highly pleasurable and is worth trying for a short period of time if your partner wants to (but certainly not to the point of discomfort for either partner).

      Commenter
      MO4
      Date and time
      September 19, 2012, 11:43AM
    • Given the wide variety of personal preferences and moods, to say there is an action formula is a nonsense. If there is any formula it is to listen, feel and emote with your partner and proceed at the speed at which both feel comfortable.

      So very true.
      Most of the advise is rubbish. There is no formula. Women are perhaps not all in the individuals category but what may bring one to frantic orgasm may totally turn another off. And the 4 are closer to climax time. She can orgasm long before going near there. And be held there. The erogenous zones are head to toe. Work them and the physical and anticipation works for most. The gentle touch and the mind are powerful. The lead up to is important to the finish. Many women will climax without even touching the clit yet. And many of those who do. Wicked.

      Commenter
      Dave
      Date and time
      September 19, 2012, 11:45AM
    • I simply dont believe you. This only occurs in porn movies

      Commenter
      mornington premasiri fernando(preme)
      Location
      stockholm
      Date and time
      September 20, 2012, 10:05AM

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