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Are men 24/7 hornbags?

Date
Maybe men aren't always ready to romp.

Maybe men aren't always ready to romp.

And I quote: “[men] should aspire to be virile, 'well-endowed' studs and always ready for sex.”

If last week’s blog flirtatiously thigh-grazed the notion not all men want sex all the time, this article in The Conversation from which that line is drawn embraces it so explicitly that many spin-off blog babies are possible.

First, there’s the idea researchers disagree about the frequency of male sexual thought. Then there’s the links between testosterone and sex drive, including how the hormone makes male fantasies way raunchier than the erotic imaginations of females.

The influence of social media on male sexual expression also gets a mention, which is interesting, considering this great read in The Atlantic about how Facebook is making us lonely (something I agree with by the way).

Yet the point I’m still most interested in is this persistent stereotype of males as hardcore hornbags. I am interested in this sticky, cross-generational, long established idea that the males of my species, including those sitting around me in my office as I write this for example, are punctuating their daily routines with really, really regular thoughts about sex.

Why does it persist? Is it true? Or, is it simply truer men are painted as slaves to their sexual desires because of the way our society values men, or has valued men; an evaluation that has everything to do with their progenitive capacity and little to do with anything else.

Personally, I find this strong association of maleness with randiness abhorrent and offensive, not least of all because it reduces fellows I’m fond of to hormone-addled sex-fiends – it reduces my father to little more than a sack of bones and potential boners for example. This is an unnerving and disturbing thought.

But it also throws up all sorts of inadequacy issues for men who don’t conform to this perpetually ready, bawdy-boy ideal. Guys who find they don’t think about sex every hour of every day of their waking lives. This gap between what is expected and what actually is breeds the kind of insecurity that leads to anger, frustration and gross self-doubt.

This, of course, can have a profound impact on romantic relationships. Females may feel the need to play-up their sexual appetite in order to match the assumed higher standard set by their male partners. Conversely, some blokes may need the feel to perform when they don’t want to for fear she won’t accept anything less than a sperm-shooting cowboy.

Of course, I am not male, and can only offer my observations. I can say that as member of the same species, I know I have a lot more to offer the world than sex. Though the female equivalent of the lascivious male runs along more emotional, touchy-feely lines, so I should be disavowing the idea I’m only as good as my feminine intuition.

So I’m interested to hear what our gentlemen readers have to say on the subject. Are you really as randy as everyone says you are? Do you groan for the wrong reasons every time you’re painted into the red, revved-up corner? Or do you agree that men think about, and want to have, sex an awful lot? Are you proud/happy/self-associated with the male sex-obsessed stereotype?

And to my fellow ladies – what say you? Have you paused to consider what this assumption says about your brothers, sons, fathers, friends and lovers? Do you agree or disagree? Why?

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*COMMENTS BROKEN

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Cheers,
Kate

210 comments

  • the basic answer is yes but with the correct person, there are many factors which make up the correct person.

    Commenter
    Victorious Painter
    Date and time
    April 18, 2012, 6:48AM
    • I thought you had quit responding to blogs, VP.

      But you're right, we need to be considered as complete people, as human beings, not just boners on legs.

      Commenter
      Bob Rhino
      Location
      Westish
      Date and time
      April 18, 2012, 10:50AM
    • Bob, have a read at the previous 2 topics and you'll understand, luckily an acquaintance told me to come and have a read.

      Commenter
      Victorious Painter
      Date and time
      April 18, 2012, 11:11AM
    • In my youth, I remember turning down a number of women because I did not find them sexually attractive. My mates you to say the one you pass up is the one you never get - I always thought it was the one i didn't want.
      I had mates who seemed to spend every waking minute trying to get a root. I remember a bloke called Dave who had 50 by the time he was 20 which I thought was amazing - but he was dedicated. Didn't play sport, didn't do well at Uni, didn't work part time - just chatted up birds mercilessly.
      But back on topic - yes we blokes are pretty horny all the time but I think most of us are pretty discriminating. I worked with a bird who was keen on me. To convert me she promised a threesome so I thought OK. I turned up to her place and the third bird turned out to be the size of a humpback whale. I beat a hasty retreat. Does that make me shallow?
      Now I'm married with children, i sometimes wonder if I shoudl have just lain back and thought of England because I'll never get the chance of a threesome again.

      Commenter
      Peter
      Location
      Sydney
      Date and time
      April 18, 2012, 11:56AM
    • Peter, I don't do indiscriminate sex either, never have and I am strictly monogamous.
      For me sex is a physical demonstration of the emotional portion of a relationship.
      Don't waste your time comparing yourself to the likes of Dave, I've known multiple people including a close family member that did just that, for such people it's mostly about self worth and validation, most never seem to achieve it and throughout their lives continue to use sex for that exact purpose.

      Commenter
      Victorious Painter
      Date and time
      April 18, 2012, 12:30PM
    • Bob Rhino-A boner on legs?? Hahahahahaha! I got a great image when i read that! Nice to see an article focused towards men regarding this topic as opposed to women on the same subject. I mean WE are just more than vaginas on legs ;)

      Commenter
      Sez80
      Date and time
      April 18, 2012, 1:07PM
    • VP, it does occur to me that you can hardly slag off at people for 'seeking validation' through sex (do you really think you should be watching Oprah so much?), when it would appear that you sought validation by announcing in a long rant to a totally uninterested audience who had no idea who you were that you would no longer be contributing to this forum.

      I mean, it would seem you just wanted to feel the love......

      Commenter
      vj
      Date and time
      April 18, 2012, 1:49PM
    • Katherine,

      Another well written and well constructed argument. But this does not mean that it correct.

      "Personally, I find this strong association of maleness with randiness abhorrent and offensive"

      It is not relevant whether you find this abhorrent or offensive. We are randy! This is simply the way we are made.

      "it reduces my father to little more than a sack of bones and potential boners for example"

      No it doesn't. Your father is very likely to have more interests that simply satisfying his libido. Perhaps, your father would be offended to hear that you are suggesting that his entire character is defined by his sex drive.

      "Females may feel the need to play-up their sexual appetite in order to match the assumed higher standard set by their male partner"

      It seems to me that females do not have the same sexual appetite as compared to me. As a male, this is great shame (and a frustration). But there is nothing morally superior about the female or the male perspective. There is nothing 'higher' about mens' libido. We're different - men have a stronger sex drive. Its that simple.

      Commenter
      markhat
      Location
      Australia
      Date and time
      April 18, 2012, 8:38PM
  • Yeeees!! I was hoping you'd do a blog on this!

    One thing that irritates me about these blogs is the stereotypes that are perpetuated about men and women. No, men are not always gasping for sex and ready to go with whoever will 'let them'. Women do indeed have libidos (some of them very high).

    I think it's quite insulting to our intelligence to always assume that men 'can't help themselves' or that women always 'turn off the tap' once they get married. In fact, sometimes it can be the complete opposite! As if we can't think for ourselves.

    My experience has certainly indicated that men need to be seduced just as much as women. Men will turn down sex just as often as women do (maybe for different reasons). If only it were true that men were always up for it whenever you wanted sex......

    Commenter
    She-Raz
    Date and time
    April 18, 2012, 8:30AM
    • This is true in the same way that all women are hormonal bitches once a month... that is to say is a vast exaggeration of a slight truth.

      There are a not insignificant number of women that are bitches once a month, and some moody ones. Doesn't mean all are, or that it's even the majority, but it's much more likely that a woman will be a bitch once a month than a guy, and we've blown that out of proportion.

      Same with guys, especially in their early 20s. There's plenty that are sex obsessed hornbags, many more that are just horny, and some with very low sex drive. On the whole, a guy in his 20s is likely to have a higher sex drive than a woman in her 20s, but that's only the average and there's plenty that go against this. We've blown this slight truth out into all guys being hornbags.

      The stereotype is annoying, the idea that any time I talk to a woman I'm only interested in boning her then running away. The idea that any time I'm interested in a girl I'm only interested in her for sex. It's just annoying really.

      Commenter
      Regularchap
      Location
      Sydney
      Date and time
      April 18, 2012, 9:28AM

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