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Making sex fun again



So. Last week we discussed what really matters in this life. This week, the nation discussed The Budget. Right now, I feel it's time to talk about something else that really matters.

Fun. During Sex. Why it belongs there, how to achieve it, and why some people can't figure out where the "u" lies in this very delicious, all-important, three-letter word.

Ready? Read on.

"I can't figure out why our sex has become so, well, boring."

We begin with a study of one of the most common copulation complaints. It comes from single people who shag often, or settled people who aren't shagging like they used to. Either the sex has become too repetitive - meet, seat, drink, freak, repeat - or it is absolutely mundane: the socks stay on, the rocks get off and no one's really paying attention, putting in effort or prioritising pleasure. In other words, the sex is either performed or perfunctory. Of course it is boring.

But it's boring because, as dear mother says, only boring people are boring. Can't figure out why? Probably because the complainant hasn't considered the part they've played in this less-than-satisfying sexcapade. Sex doesn't just "happen".

Sure, the first few times you take a stranger home, random romping is wonderful and wild and filled with thrill, just because it is what is - a happenstance. But a few too many and you become practised, or worse, immune, to the simple joy of sex with someone you don't know.

Same thing applies to loves of lives. Early romance and intoxicating sexual chemistry fuels every encounter with wonder and it is easy to think, "Wow - mindblowing sex really is this easy!" Yet that first flush wears off. And this is where the complaint comes in.

The answer? On both counts, it's easy; the sex is boring because you are boring. You've fallen into a boring pattern. And it's time to shake yourself free of this constraint. It is time to remember, sex is fun - just let it be.

"But how? Honestly, how? How do I make sex with my spouse of 10 years fun when we're both exhausted, when there aren't any mysteries left, when kids get in the way, when my own personal, lingering, insecurities get in the way? How do I make sex fun with someone I don't know, who I don't care about, who I'm shagging because I can and because I found them sexy? How, when, what we're doing is meant to be "just a bit of fun"?

Simple. Choose your attitude.

Sex, and almost everything else in this life, is as much fun as you make it. Sick of the same old? Change it up. Tired of the tried and true? Wake up with a new direction. Instead of saying, "Here we go again", think "where are we going this time?" Change your focus so you're not already thinking of the end and what comes next (unstacking dishwashers, calling your mum, whatever) and start thinking about what's happening right now. Be present in the moment and enjoy it.

This is where the games come in. Play is as important to adults as it is to children. Play is as important to sex as love is to love-making. Without a playful attitude and a willingness to try new things, life and life's fleshy pleasures do become boring. Because, as already writ, you have become a boring person.

So, how do you achieve fun sex?

A friend was once given a pack of Kama Sutra cards, a full deck, coloured with different positions. A bit of fun. They would find the cards useful both in single and shared contexts. Before heading out for a night focused on coming back in with someone, said friend would slip a few cards into a pocket, setting in motion a plan for fun brought about by a commitment to achieve at least a few of the figures featured on each card face. Same thing applied when friend found love - the deck of cards wasn't far from reach. Was there a mood for something a little less ordinary, they provided the perfect path to pleasuretown.

Of course, putting the fun back into your sex life doesn't have to come down to funky toys. It might be something as simple as breaking up the routine. Instead of hitting the town searching for horny satisfaction every Friday or Saturday night, why not toddle out on Tuesday? Or, perhaps better still, why not not toddle out at all? Say "no" to sex for a while, rather than yes. See how that improves your appetite. Similar wisdom might also apply to the married/de-facto brigade. Bored of what you always do? Do the opposite.

These, as ever, are but a few words from one meandering sex blogger, drawn from my own and my friends' experience. Hopefully I have spoken some wisdom. Hopefully you have learnt something. I know if you haven't you may feel compelled to write about what a waste of time reading my words have been. But if you do feel compelled to write, at least make a suggestion.

How do you make sex fun? And do you plan on having fun sex this weekend ... or even tonight?



  • If woman had the same attitude and gusto to sex as men do then it would never be boring. Once women realise that sex is not a tool just to get into the deep pockets of men and embrace it for what it really is and that is a bit of free fun, then we will all be happy copulating little adults. But alas I cannot see the day anywhere in the near future where women will start thinking with their vagina's.

    Date and time
    May 16, 2014, 7:55AM
    • Oh gof you're right! I just turned great sex into mundane sex busily thinking with my vagina about whether I could use my tool to get into more adventurous places than the humble pocket of a man? I wonder if I could chip away at a bank safe & really profit!

      Tool belt Va-jay-jay
      Date and time
      May 16, 2014, 10:34AM
    • gof,
      You sound a bit bitter?

      Date and time
      May 16, 2014, 3:06PM
    • I'm not sure the bank safe would be able to get an erection?

      Happy banker
      Your imagination is the limit
      Date and time
      May 16, 2014, 3:21PM
  • Yes well, fun sex requires 2 people who desire it, passion for each other, add trust and expect to find fun and enjoyment in each other during sex and all other facets of life.
    Boring passionless people will find sex and life in general boring and expect others to carry them through life and compensate for their lackluster emotionless soul.
    So boring sex is not the problem, just the symptom.

    Victorious Painter
    Date and time
    May 16, 2014, 8:02AM
    • ok fun sex could have more than or less than 2 people involved - well maybe at least more than 2. Desire and Passion don't have to exist for the sex to be non boring - both can be injected in tot he event with the right attitude from one just one person. Right attitude? Take the time to make sure not just yourself is going to have a great time. Great sex is all about the attitude you take.

      Date and time
      May 16, 2014, 3:41PM
  • Try changing sides of the. bed....

    Date and time
    May 16, 2014, 8:09AM
    • Good thinking Richard! Sound like a plan to me!

      New Zealand
      Date and time
      May 16, 2014, 4:58PM
  • Do anything enough and it becomes staid, mundane, predicable and practiced. By definition. But when you start out with someone, almost any time is a good time. Sometimes all it takes is a look and because you cant get enough of one another, sex can be spontaneous, expressive and fun. Those random times and occurrences can lead to mayhem and unexpected eventualities that can become fun and a source of laughter. Once we get used to one another and take the ability to have sex fir granted, things can be predictable. Again by definition.
    Living as if every minute together may be your last is unrealistic and forced. Setting aside a week every so often when both agree to have sex with one another whenever they or their partner wants to or even when you don't feel like it, randomly, no matter what, within the confines of practicality and reasonableness can bring that spontaneity back, even for a short time and introduces those old happenstance occurrences that can bring the ridiculousness and laughter back. Eg, in a longterm committed relationship, when was the last time you shagged in the car or on the car bonnet under a bridge or in public or in parts of the house you haven't shagged in before?

    Date and time
    May 16, 2014, 8:47AM
    • @Dirk Diggler--Sex is improved if it is not reserved for just "Boogie Nights". I appreciate your insight for creating conditions that may facilitate more fun and spontaneity in one's sex life. My husband and I love to spend time together trying out new restaurants and foods at lunch, and then follow that up with a little afternoon delight in a variety of places in and out of the house whether it's the pool, the closet, or the kitchen table. It just takes a little creativity and imagination to spice things up. Time of day can make a big difference too as we are parents and do things before school is out.

      All Heart
      Date and time
      May 16, 2014, 12:56PM

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