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Guilty pleasures in the supermarket

A new range of chocolate bars have exposed the pleasure I get from food porn.

A new range of chocolate bars have exposed the pleasure I get from food porn.

I love supermarkets – any excuse to write lists, peruse the well lit aisles and sneak in a cheeky grape/pistachio sample really floats my HMAS Rampant Consumerism.

I come from simple stock. Without fail every night before bed my dad drinks a glass of fresh cow's milk. So while I stick to a pretty "clean" (read: bland) diet, partially because my taste buds suffered irreversible damage as a tween from the world's most overrated meal (apricot chicken) I like to sometimes indulge in underrated food stuffs.   

So it pleases me that lately I've noticed a change in what constitutes a "#nomnom" adjective for dishes splashed across Instagram and boasted about on Twitter and Facebook. Fancy morsels worthy of Michelin stars have been replaced with supermarket grade sugary goods.

The humble sausage roll - a party wrapped in pastry according to MasterChef contestant Rachel McSweeney.

The humble sausage roll - a party wrapped in pastry according to MasterChef contestant Rachel McSweeney.

The catalyst for this shift from high brow dining to monobrow grade munchies came from chocolate bars that are "Marvellous Creations" containing jelly popping candy beans and crunchie peanut cookies.

"Could easily eat the whole block," one health and fitness loving friend commented after she posted a photo of 290 grams of the stuff.

"Hello new favourite addiction," another four touted via SMS and status updates.

Ice Magic Click for more photos

The Kardashians of food

They may not be nourishing or in the pantries of 'foodies' but here's some guilty pleasures from the supermarket. 

Forget fromage, can the consommé talk and pass on the parfait, here's a shopping list of secret supermarket shame aka the food version of Keeping Up with the Kardashians – you love it, even though you know it's trash.

Country Cheese biscuits

Toasted cheese sandwiches without the manual labour of cutting cheese and waiting for the sandwich press to warm up.

Viennetta ice cream

You knew eating all the peas on your plate were worth it when you heard the crush of the thin chocolate layers crunching and the slices were popped out of the plastic tray into the dessert glasses only used for "special occasions".

Milk drinks in a carton

Almost as notorious as plumbers cracks on building sites – flavoured milk is fun and convenient when it comes in a carton. It is the Pippa Middleton to protein shakes which are more like the responsible and respected Kate Middleton.

Emu Export

Forget Facebook shares, I want in on the "red can". I'm yet to meet a man who won't drink it. Interestingly since the booze content was dropped to 4.4 per cent, a 375mL can contains 135 calories – that's 131 less than a comparable glass of Champagne.

Garlic Bread

If a date is going really badly, order this for dessert.

Potato Gems

Each fluffy pillow is like 10 hot chips in one mouthful.

Crunch chocolate

Pride and Prejudice's Jane Bennet of the confectionary world, generally only given credit when the pickings are slim. Like, for example, on a university campus or hospital, generally purchased from a vending machine after midnight.  

Freckles

Childhood (and diabetes) in a bag – I remember shoving handfuls of these in my mouth while watching Round The Twist and writing fan letters to Taylor Hanson and Luke Perry.  

Jarrah Coffee

My first "friend with benefits" mate and I enjoyed numerous cups of Vienna while watching late night Rage and listening to Pearl Jam. A hug in a mug.  

Ice Magic topping

The Rolls Royce of ice cream toppings. Whenever it was on the menu you knew the episode of A Country Practice you'd watch later would be a cracker.  

Polony

Ignorance is bliss when it comes to the ingredients of this, however just try and be sad when it's served to you between two slices of white bread with tomato sauce and cut into quarters.

Dixie Drumsticks/Chicken In A Biskit

Healthier than chips and far more exciting due to the interesting shapes and incorrect spelling.  

Kole Beer

There is a Facebook campaign called "50,000 likes to get Kole Beer Australia wide" so others can experience the medicinal qualities it has for a hangover. So far 56 people have decided this is a good idea.

Ice Cream cakes

Cupcakes and macaroons will come and go – this is a birthday in a box.

Ham & Cheese pizza

Dear take-away conglomerates who thought it was a good idea to make a crust out of cheeseburgers and put pear on a pizza, no one outside of Bondi cares just stick to the basics.

Chicken Rolls

Like Kole Beer, these sweet buns each filled with 2 litres of mayo and suspect chicken heated in a microwave can actually cure Saturday and Sunday seediness* (*this may not be true).

Cooking chocolate

When following a recipe double it and eat the second helping. These dots are so small (and tasty) they're basically exempt of calories.

Choc Wedge

The Clint Eastwood of the servo ice cream fridge – classic, simple, rich and quite the quiet achiever.

Microwave Popcorn

It's the gift the keeps on giving – the smell (just don't burn it) and sound is awesome and you can eat it in the comfort of your own home wearing a Snuggie, track suit pants and Ugg boots and not be judged.

Coco Pops

Saturday breakfast before we were old enough to order Eggs Benedict and a Bloody Mary.  

Sausage Rolls

My dad's said it once and I’ll say it again – a sausage roll wouldn't go astray.

Rachel McSweeney from series three of MasterChef agrees with me and shared her recipe so I would stop buying them from the frozen foods section.

Ingredients

2 kilograms sausage mince

2 eggs

1 cup breadcrumbs

1 tablespoon crushed garlic

1 tablespoon cracked pepper

1 bunch parsley, finely chopped

3 carrots, grated

3 potatoes, grated

2 onions, grated

1 large zucchini, grated

10 sheets frozen puff pastry

1 egg extra, lightly beaten for glazing

Method

In a large mixing bowl combine sausage mince, eggs, breadcrumbs, garlic, pepper, parsley, carrots, potatoes, onions and zucchini. Use your hands and mix well. Lay out sheets of puff pastry on kitchen bench, with a knife cut each sheet in half lengthways.

Brush one edge with the extra beaten egg using a pastry brush. Roll pastry into a long cylinder and cut each into eight 3cm bite size portions.

Place onto greased baking trays and cut or mark tops with a fork, glaze with beaten egg.Bake in a hot oven for approx 20 minutes until golden.

What’s your guilty food pleasure? What meals or snacks remind you of your childhood or special times in your life?

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This post is not a paid or unpaid endorsement for any of the products photographed and spoken about. The author also acknowledges the items listed here are “sometimes” foods.

14 comments so far

  • I grew up in a staunchly meat and three vege family - before meat was a 'protein'. I will never forget the pleasure of saving my tiny serving of 2 Minute Noodles till last.....mmm...the salt, the butter, the '220'. It's still my go to food when I need some serious comfort.

    Commenter
    Chickenwing
    Location
    Newcastle
    Date and time
    May 25, 2012, 10:20AM
    • Teddy bear biscuits with nutella smeared on the back and then coated with sprinkles.

      Embarrassing but amazing.

      Commenter
      emmalou
      Date and time
      May 25, 2012, 10:44AM
      • I would like to add Kraft Macaroni and Cheese from a box. Not the deluxe kind where you get the gooey cheese in a can...the powdered stuff is where it's at.

        Commenter
        Mac
        Date and time
        May 25, 2012, 11:03AM
        • Oh yes, yes, yes! How good is Kraft Macaroni and Cheese - it's so bad it's delicious.
          Miss Clarke thank you for making my Friday, I absolutely adore this week's blog.
          I'd like to add Maggi Noodles to the list. Full of carbohydrated goodness and everyone has their own style of making them.
          Personally I like to cook mine for 6 minutes in the microwave and add the flavouring just before consuming. Delicious!

          Commenter
          ElleEmGee
          Date and time
          May 25, 2012, 12:05PM
      • After a lifetime of the above, you go and buy yourselves a SPANX device to fit in all your "bumps"- 'cause you want to eat everything under the sun (with chocolate sauce on top). That goes for you too lads!

        Someone is making A LOT of money from stupid people making stupid decisions.

        Commenter
        Me
        Location
        behind you
        Date and time
        May 25, 2012, 11:08AM
        • Everything in moderation!
          I'm sure you have your comfort foods too, they may just be different choices to the above (and potentially healthier).
          You've got to have some guilty pleasures in life!
          I'd rather be wearing Spanx and happy, than bump free and sour.

          Commenter
          Mac
          Date and time
          May 25, 2012, 11:45AM
      • YES TO ALL OF THE ABOVE! Delish

        Commenter
        ash
        Location
        Perth
        Date and time
        May 25, 2012, 11:43AM
        • Thanks for the Sausage Roll recipe, they look delish am still on the hunt for a truly delish home made version so will give these a try this weekend.

          Commenter
          Cherry
          Date and time
          May 25, 2012, 12:23PM
          • Great article, but could you please refrain from comparing the sausage roll - whether home made, gourmet or frozen with the kardashians. The sausage roll is a culinary classic that fits in on all occasions - from bite sized h'orderves at a wedding to a road side bite after stopping in at a country bakery.

            By comparison the kardashians have no such broad appeal or taste, and do little more than fill up the rubbish where space is better saved for the used sauce sachet and brown paper bag that contained the prized sausage roll.

            Commenter
            Rourkus
            Location
            Treechange
            Date and time
            May 25, 2012, 12:24PM
            • What has comfort food got to do with an image from the Kardashians? they are a vacuous parasitic opportunistic family that represents the worst values of our society.

              Commenter
              dianav
              Location
              Perth
              Date and time
              May 25, 2012, 1:09PM

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