So now the ever-helpful Australian Public Service Commission and its supremo, John Lloyd, has produced a guide to help you, and your bosses, avoid some of the pitfalls.

Like a lot of efforts by J-Lo – that's what many in the rank and file have dubbed him – it's a bit of an epic. But we've gone through the good bits to tell you what you need to know when the music starts and we dance the MoG shuffle.

Look, no one (except The Canberra Times) wants to keep banging on the great DFAT machine-gun massacre of 2013, so let's just remember we're all playing on the same team now. It's just that some of us would be better off on the bench and we all know it.

As Lloyd would have it: "Public servants should bring to their work behaviour that reflects the APS values, APS employment principles and ethical standards of the APS. In particular, working relationships should be productive and effective. There should be a genuine commitment to working in a collaborative manner." Etcetera.

Yes, that means the laptop, the phone, the credit cards, your security passes and, yes, your car – it says here. (Did you really think they weren't going to miss the car?) Just give it back.

Except that sometimes, not so much:

"In some cases, staff transferring to the gaining agency may be permitted to take certain items (such as phones and vehicles) from the transferring agency, as part of an agreed transfer arrangement," the commissioner's guidelines say.

Oh, and do yourself a favour: lose the, ahem, erotica from the hard drive before the handover.

But a steering committee is pretty much all it takes to take that hurt away, apparently.

"MoG changes can cause a large degree of disruption to employees. If human resource issues are not managed appropriately, staff morale may suffer, leading to staff attrition and loss of productivity. As described in part 3, it is good practice for the gaining agency to establish a steering committee or working group to manage and oversee staff changes and develop a people management strategy."

We don't blame you for trying. But it says so here: basically, if you were in strife at the old place you're in strife at the new joint, too. Think of it as same trouble, different boss. The code of conduct investigations, suspensions, the warnings, the reprimands – they know all about them. They also know how many "last chances" you've had.

There's a whole chapter in J-Lo's guide all about how meticulous records need to be kept before, during and after the MoG process. If in doubt, the National Archives will send you over a fact sheet outlining your obligations under the Archives Act. If you're MoGing into Attorney-General's, feed those instructions to the dog as soon as you get home.