For Patricia Gaete, the pain never stops. The pain of losing her fiance, Nato David Seuala, who was fatally stabbed in Civic almost two years ago, the pain of knowing that his killer walks free.
It's a pain that intensifies when she has to tell her two young children that their father is not coming home.
"It's been hard because you don't really know what to say to kids," she told The Canberra Times, in an exclusive interview.
"They're always going to ask why [their father is gone] but they're never going to be satisfied with the answer that you give them."
It was supposed to be all so different.
The couple was due to be married in November 2006.
"We had already booked the church and done everything," she said.
But on the evening of July 14, 2006, Mr Seuala, then 23, left home for a night out in civic with friends to watch his beloved Canterbury Bulldogs play the St George-Illawarra Dragons in the National Rugby League.
Within 12 hours, Ms Gaete was at her fiance's bedside in the intensive care unit of the Canberra Hospital, after he was stabbed in the head and stomach by a Civic nightclub owner. The knife wound penetrated his brain, and Mr Seuala never regained consciousness. He died on August 4.
Almost two years on, and six weeks after an ACT Supreme Court judge acquitted Cube nightclub owner Maurizio Gianpier Rao of murder and intentionally inflicting grievous bodily harm on the grounds of self-defence, Mr Seuala's family say justice has not been done.
They had hoped for a conviction, even if it was for the lesser offence of intentionally inflicting grievous bodily harm. The couple's two children, a seven-year-old girl and two-year-old boy, have lost their father, and no one has been held accountable.
And they firmly believe the outcome would have been different had Mr Rao been tried by a jury.
"There would have been 12 people there, whereas they chose a judge, so there was only one person making that decision," Chilean-born Ms Gaete, 28, said.
"It's been hard because you don't really know what to say to kids.
"They're always going to ask why [their father is gone] but they're never going to be satisfied with the answer that you give them."
Mr Seuala had been drinking all night with friends when the group of islander men approached Cube nightclub about 4.30am. Refused entry, they became verbally abusive, threatening the bouncer at the door and claiming they would bash any "poofters" that exited the club.
Summonsed by the bouncer, Mr Rao stepped in, telling the men to move on. After several minutes of banter, all captured on CCTV and viewed at the trial, the men walked off. The trial heard Mr Rao made a racist remark to his employee, "Why do all these black c---s have to be so f---king stupid?"
One of the islanders overheard. They returned to the doorway and became more aggressive. Mr Seuala, so intoxicated he was swaying, picked up a sandbag and swung it at Mr Rao, missing him and spilling its contents. He swung the empty bag again and missed.
Meanwhile, the club owner was clutching a flick knife he usually kept on his belt, holding it behind his back. He then lunged at Mr Seuala and stabbed him in the stomach, and, the judge found, in the head. However, Justice Malcolm Gray found the Crown had not proved beyond reasonable doubt that Mr Rao had not acted in self-defence. On March 13 this year, Mr Rao walked out of the Supreme Court a free man. This, perhaps, is the hardest part for the family to accept.
Ms Gaete's sister-in-law, Carolina, who attended every day of the trial, said, "It's not fair. He's walking around with his family and friends and David is six feet under. That's not justice."
Ms Gaete said her fiance was not a violent man, but a devoted father who was the sole income provider.
She believed it was Mr Rao's racist insult that triggered Mr Seuala's sandbag attack.
"Obviously, you wish he'd walked away, but if it had to do with race, someone like him who's proud of being Samoan, being called that would have set him off."
Two days ago, the deadline lapsed for the ACT Director of Public Prosecutions to lodge a reference appeal against the acquittal. No appeal was lodged, but even if it had, the acquittal could not be reversed.
After eight years together, Ms Gaete is finding it hard to adjust to life without Mr Seuala. She has moved into her parents' Gungahlin home with the children, who continue to ask about their father every day. Move on? With tears welling in her eyes, Ms Gaete said, "I have to."
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