Politics loves a conspiracy theory. Why have the truth - which can be so banal and disappointing - when you can add a few extra chillies by way of something conspiratorial?
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You know how it goes: 9/11 was actually a US government plot. JFK was abducted by Martians allied with the Portuguese. And Harold Holt was eaten by an octopus.
Yesterday afternoon, magnate-about-town Clive Palmer apparated in Brisbane to talk about the mining tax. Or that's what he was expected to discuss, because instead he ''revealed'' the links between the Australian Greens, environmentalists … and the CIA. And yes, that's the CIA CIA (not some little known research institute or community group).
''The Greens have not been providing you with the full information about where their money comes from or what it's about,'' Palmer theorised. ''It's paramount to treason and something needs to be done about it.''
Just in time for the TV news, the Greens bobbed up to file Palmer's theory under ''stupidity''.
There was no truth to it whatsoever, Bob Brown said - adding that he would be ''proud'' to take Palmer on anytime, so long as he had his facts straight. It was a convincing performance. But you do have to wonder what the Greens strategy meeting was like beforehand. Um, so we're a leftist Australian political party who usually gets accused of being tree huggers: do we really have to rebut claims that we're in bed with the Western imperial power?
In the spirit of theoretical creativity (if not conspiracy), yesterday morning, Tony Abbott warned a Coalition meeting about the ''evil twins of tax.''
According to the Opposition Leader, the carbon tax and mining tax are not taxes introduced by the government - and now passed by the Parliament - to tackle mining wealth and carbon emissions. They are a diabolical duo, possessed by a desire to ''assault'' middle Australia (wherever that is) and strip the economy of billions of dollars. Twice.
But one person who wasn't dealing with theories of any kind was Julia Gillard. The PM was all about the stuff you can see.
In her post-MRRT victory press conference, Gillard told the media to stop doubting her legislative attempts. ''I have put up with months and months of scoffing about the mineral resource rent tax. Guess what? It went through the Senate last night,'' she huffed. ''Before we start on a process of months and months of scoffing about whether or not we will get through the company tax cuts, I think I'm entitled to go 'scoreboard', and at the moment it's running more in my favour than yours.''
Then again, she would say that, wouldn't she?
