Illustration: Simon Letch
ABC-TV news is to be congratulated for the conservation of taxpayer funds with its ARC (Anonymous Random Commentator) initiative.
There is nothing new in it. I first came across it in the '70s in a Hong Kong tabloid which ran a daily vox pop. A photographer would go to a busy street and take a head-on crowd shot that would then be cut up into little portraits. Each portrait would be allotted a fabricated name and opinion on an issue of the day. Management's position was that nobody would care and that it was a valid cost-cutting measure.
Now it is heartwarming to find the ABC following suit. I noticed it recently. On a gloomy day, an intrepid reporter stood in front of a CBD building outlining the latest armageddon in the personal finances of the nation.
Cut to a beaming middle-aged male ARC in a lime polo shirt basking in the brilliant sunshine of an anonymous beach.
ARC: Well, personally I couldn't care less.
You see? Brilliant. No identity required, no demand that the answer relate to the issue under discussion, a lite bite that could be used over and over, in almost any situation. A single cameraman could probably stock up with a month's worth of lite bites in a couple of hours.
ABC: NASA reported today that a giant meteor could wipe out Adelaide next week.
ARC (beachside lime polo shirt): Well, personally I couldn't care less.
ABC: A prominent rugby league player has been suspended after photographs were posted on the internet depicting him in a compromising situation with an endangered species of cactus.
ARC (beachside lime polo shirt): Well, personally I couldn't care less.
Ask yourself. Could you have said it any better? And, in the fullness of time, will a non sequitur override the sense that the ABC is being responsible with its public funding?
ABC: Mr Hockey announced that he would introduce a bill mandating the public flogging of bank CEOs.
ARC (Newtown bar): Aunt Gladys used to juggle tiger snakes.
ABC: The Prime Minister refused to comment on the plan for the Cook Islands to take over the Australian Stock Exchange.
ARC (Rooty Hill hair salon): Everybody on our street has the same horrible rash.
ABC: Mr Obama has offered to resign.
ARC (Chinatown): Kung hei fat choy.
Will it work? Well, personally I couldn't care less.
Jeffrey Wells
