Declining condom use among gay men and population movement are blamed for a spike in HIV rates in Queensland.

There were condoms everywhere in Wednesday's Shock Horror Aunty, but that didn't help Photo: Robert Banks

To find out if you are a hipster, go to Enough with the hipster-bashing.

This was Pay TV's account of itself for the week: "LIVE: AFL: NAB CUP Pool 1 Bulldogs V Collingwood was the highest rated broadcast in week 7 with an audience of 252,000 people followed by LIVE: AFL: NAB CUP Pool 1 Collingwood V Essendon (251,000) and LIVE: AFL: NAB CUP Pool 2 Fremantle V Geelong (192,000) all on Fox Footy. Selling Houses Australia (161,000/179,000 *including plus two hours) on The LifeStyle Channel was the highest rated non-sport broadcast followed by Battleship (142,000/ 165,000*) on Foxtel Movies Premiere and The Walking Dead (136,000/ 157,000*) on FX. FOX8 attracted viewers to Last Man Standing (107,000/ 118,000*), Modern Family (106,000/ 120,000*), Family Guy (80,000/ 94,000*) and The Simpsons (74,000/ 97,000*). Also in the top 10 Non-sport broadcasts: Arena's series The Real Housewives of New Jersey (83,000/ 95,000*), NCIS (78,000/ 111,000*) on TV1, and Coronation Street (70,000/ 78,000*) on UKTV. Year to date share of viewing is 56.7% in STV homes, 22.8% in metro and 18.5% inm regional markets (6am-12mn).

Thursday's chart is, as far as I'm aware, the first time a smiley face symbol has appeared as part of a program title. The program was called Making Couples Happy :) and although the emoticon did not help it gain an audience, it did open up all manner of possibilities for future titling. What symbol would you put after MasterChef: The Professionals, for example?

<i>Revenge</i> was a hit for Seven, despite screening six months behind the US.

Nine is the blonde, Seven is the brunette, and as soon as the cricket is out of the way, there will be Revenge

Here's your task: Devise a strategy whereby Channel Ten gets back an audience for Masterchef: The Professionals, which has bingled down to half a million while its rival My Kitchen Rules soars above 2 million. Alert reader Darren (see Comments, below) suggests a nip slip. But maybe that does not work any more. There was a pile of nudity in Shock Horror Aunty on Wednesday, and it couldn't even reach 600,000.

Sunday was the first night of the "official" ratings year and it was an exciting battle. Downton Abbey, which averaged 1.8 million last season, pulled a mere 1.3 million in the mainland capitals. Why? Because it's up against two shows with a similar target niche -- Midsomer Murders and Elementary. Ten had cleverly bedded down an audience last week for Elementary, and was rewarded last night with a loss of only 200,000 to DA and MM. And without competition from My Kitchen Rules, MasterChef proves it can pull a million viewers.

Here's a little demographic detail. With viewers aged 16-39, the top three shows of the night were Masterchef, Elementary and Modern Family. With viewers 25 to 54, the top shows were Nine news, Elementary and Masterchef. And with viewers over 55, top shows were Seven news, Downton Abbey and Sunday night (the Jamie Packer interview).

Sesame Street spoofs Downton Abbey.

The new look Downton Abbey.

When Channel Nine finally gets free of the wretched cricket, that will free up a million viewers to choose among the gracious English dramas. Which of the three will the cricket fans choose?

What Australia watched, week ending February 16

Description Total       Sydney           Melbourne     Brisbane         Adelaide         Perth

1          MY KITCHEN RULES-WED   Network 7      2,101,000      617,000         596,000         410,000         191,000         286,000

2          MY KITCHEN RULES-TUE    Network 7      1,916,000      593,000         536,000         341,000         189,000         257,000

3          MY KITCHEN RULES-THU    Network 7      1,886,000      536,000         526,000         368,000         196,000         260,000

4          MY KITCHEN RULES-MON   Network 7      1,800,000      506,000         482,000         348,000         205,000         260,000

5          BORDER SECURITY   Network 7      1,395,000      431,000         391,000         243,000         134,000         196,000

6          NINE NEWS SUNDAY            Network 9      1,373,000      442,000         485,000         214,000         105,000         127,000

7          SUNDAY NIGHT         Network 7      1,348,000      422,000         374,000         263,000         128,000         160,000

8          THE FORCE - BEHIND THE LINE     Network 7      1,337,000      399,000         366,000         228,000         117,000         227,000

9          DOWNTON ABBEY    Network 7      1,331,000      430,000         387,000         233,000         133,000         147,000

10       PACKED TO THE RAFTERS  Network 7      1,325,000      397,000         366,000         223,000         162,000         176,000

11       REVENGE       Network 7      1,306,000      397,000         378,000         239,000         121,000         171,000

12       SEVEN NEWS - SUN  Network 7      1,304,000      334,000         352,000         284,000         135,000         199,000

13       THE BIG BANG THEORY       Network 9      1,144,000      295,000         373,000         235,000         108,000         133,000

14       THE BLOCK: ALL STARS -MON        Network 9      1,139,000      320,000         370,000         273,000         82,000            94,000

15       NINE NEWS   Network 9      1,117,000      310,000         386,000         247,000         94,000            82,000

18       SEVEN NEWS Network 7      1,084,000      248,000         275,000         233,000         124,000         205,000

19       MASTERCHEF THE PROFESSIONALS SUN  Network TEN 1,028,000      335,000         322,000         183,000         67,000            120,000

21       THE DOCTOR BLAKE MYSTERIES   Network ABC1           980,000         247,000         307,000         211,000         113,000         102,000

22       ELEMENTARY            Network TEN 959,000         255,000         280,000         201,000         108,000         115,000

23       TODAY TONIGHT      Network 7      954,000         244,000         238,000         191,000         107,000         174,000

24       THE BLOCK: ALL STARS -TUE          Network 9      928,000         281,000         329,000         177,000         79,000            62,000

25       MODERN FAMILY      Network TEN 922,000         278,000         290,000         194,000         73,000            89,000

26       A CURRENT AFFAIR  Network 9      903,000         260,000         302,000         199,000         71,000            70,000

28       ABC NEWS     Network ABC1           902,000         240,000         280,000         153,000         98,000            131,000

30       HOME AND AWAY     Network 7      901,000         265,000         226,000         187,000         97,000            126,000

33       THE BLOCK: ALL STARS -THU         Network 9      842,000         231,000         249,000         208,000         76,000            77,000

34       THE BLOCK: ALL STARS -WED        Network 9      842,000         305,000         301,000         178,000                     58,000

35       AUSTRALIAN STORY Network ABC1           829,000         241,000         245,000         131,000         91,000            121,000

37       BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS      Network 7      812,000         229,000         229,000         183,000         68,000            102,000

40       FOUR CORNERS         Network ABC1           743,000         215,000         213,000         135,000         77,000            103,000

44       MIDSOMER MURDERS         Network ABC1           723,000         202,000         197,000         127,000         78,000            119,000

46       MEDIA WATCH          Network ABC1           700,000         210,000         238,000         107,000         69,000            76,000

54       Q&A    Network ABC1           644,000         180,000         238,000         102,000         69,000            55,000

64       MASTERCHEF THE PROFESSIONALS MON            Network TEN 568,000         169,000         180,000         105,000         45,000            70,000

68       SHOCK HORROR AUNTY      Network ABC1           558,000         143,000         176,000         113,000         43,000            82,000

69       THE AGONY OF LIFE Network ABC1           538,000         132,000         198,000         83,000            40,000            85,000

71       MASTERCHEF THE PROFESSIONALS TUES            Network TEN 524,000         149,000         186,000         91,000            45,000            53,000

73       MAKING COUPLES HAPPY :)           Network ABC1           511,000         143,000         163,000         88,000            52,000            67,000

88       GRIMM           Network 7      400,000         101,000         128,000         65,000            46,000            60,000

94       ADAM HILLS: THE LAST LEG            Network ABC1           381,000         88,000            120,000         74,000            32,000            67,000

97       GLEE   Network TEN 363,000         96,000            114,000         67,000            48,000            38,000

101     AMERICAN IDOL FRI Network TEN 351,000         98,000            94,000            79,000            27,000            54,000

102     CAN OF WORMS        Network TEN 351,000         112,000         108,000         54,000            34,000            43,000

103     AMERICAN IDOL THURS      Network TEN 349,000         86,000            141,000         61,000            21,000            40,000

143     NEXT STOP HOLLYWOOD    Network ABC1           224,000         64,000            76,000            29,000            26,000            30,000

(OzTAM  mainland capitals)

This is the daily update of The Sun-Herald's Who We Are column by David Dale, who teaches Communications at UTS, Sydney. He is the author of The Little Book of Australia - A snapshot of Who We Are (Allen and Unwin). For continuing conversation about Australian attitudes, bookmark The Tribal Mind.