HECKLER
Illustration: Simon Letch
THERE should be a requirement for all concert patrons to pass a test before being issued with a permit to attend concerts. Over the past few years, I have found it surprisingly difficult to concentrate on beautiful music without having some form of distraction from fellow concert-goers.
There are the chatterers who have whispered conversations. I'm sure that, like me, the people around them don't want to hear their comments on the performer or music. Some people hum along with their favourite pieces, or even sing quietly - and not always in tune. I pay to hear a professional artist, not the amateur near me.
Almost as bad is the neighbour who beats time to the music, again not always accurately, by hand or a rhythmic tapping of the feet - at worst on the back of my chair.
On two occasions recently, I have been seated next to a knitter. Apart from the annoying clicking sound, the constant movement of the needles (out of synch with the movement of the conductor's baton) intruded on my line of vision and was very distracting. The intermittent raising of hands to pull lengths of wool from a skein somewhere down in the knitter's nether regions completed my misery.
Getting a clear view of the stage, particularly when the seats are placed directly behind each other, is another problem. When a romantic couple huddle together, her head on his shoulder, it blocks the view completely.
Then there are enthralled patrons who lean forward and occupy a large portion of the line of vision of those behind. Add to that the hat wearers (yes they are still around, although fortunately rare), head scratchers, wrigglers and a new breed, the water drinkers, who continually raise bottles to their lips throughout the performance.
Mobile phones? Yes, there is the occasional ring but, worse still, during a Sydney Symphony concert, a schoolgirl sitting beside me started texting - beep, beep, beep - and the teacher accompanying the group seemed oblivious.
I don't think I need to say anything about coughers. To do them credit, most people try valiantly to suppress a cough or indulge under cover of loud passages in the music (brass is particularly useful for this).
However, during concerts which are being recorded, I have the sneaking suspicion that a particularly loud cough during a quiet moment may have been deliberately inserted, rather like graffiti, with the hope that it has made its mark in perpetuity.
Possibly, all of the above could be addressed by some thoughtfulness and consideration for others. Plain good manners. But could we introduce that test?
Janet Brooks
