Chris, old mate. Brethren. Take a seat, boss.
We all have secrets, don't we? She that is without sin, let her cast the first stone? Jah rule, mon. Come in close and I'll tell you mine.
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Chris Gayle apologises for comments
Cricket star Chris Gayle apologises for any offence he caused the Channel Ten reporter during their controversial mid-game interview.
Brethren, I couldn't understand what you were saying.
I didn't take offence when you were charming ole sparkly eyes, because me didn't have the foggiest idea what was comin' out you mouth. Is you even speaking English? Me rasta brethren too – me spend seven days and six nights on a Qantas Holiday at Negril one time – so me jive talk better than any white man, cha! But the Universe Boss go too fast even for the I. So no offence taken!
And your newspaper columns, too. They don't make no sense. All that in-joke gibber between you and KP, all that fun about you being the best batsmen in the world, cha, me didn't take no bombocloth offence to that neither. But see, I'm different from your average Australian. Me understand cultural differences. Unlike dem Australians wit their BS about PC, me know where you comin' from, brethren. Me know you got a good lovin' heart like all we Jamaican brethren. And Mel whatshername, she'll come around, just you wait. Any woman be flattered to be asked out for a drink by you, boss. Just wait till she understand cultural differences. I'd go weak at the knees if you noticed my sparkly eyes, Chris. Some would call them penetrating.
So all is forgiven from this suburb. No offence taken. People ought to chill. Laugh it off and move on. You'd think the holy armageddon had take place for how people over-react. You got a lot of supporters in this country, boss. We understand you come from a different culture, any Jamaican woman love being chatted up by a big man like you or me. Is different deh.
You da man, brethren. You people have such lovely big smiles, the way your teeth and your own sparkly eyes shine out in the night-time, you're a beautiful man. 'Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day', heh heh heh.
And the way you hit the ball! It's incredible how you big guys swing so hard, you're such amazing athletes. I've loved West Indian athletes ever since Joel Garner – 'If I was built in proportion, I wouldn't be six foot eight, I'd be eight foot six!' You heard that one? Amazing physical specimens, all of you. I'd pay any money to watch you on the field, like I'd watch Mike Tyson, Ben Johnson, OJ Simpson – whatever else the PC brigade will say about you people, you are the most breathtaking athletes. So don't get down if people say you uneducated. That's not why you de Universe Boss, brethren. It's your amazing physical prowess. And don't the ladies love it! And they call us racist in this country, when we love you guys.
And another thing I love about you – but what's that? Don't move away, boss. Hang in for a bit. You what? You feeling uncomfortable by the way I speak to you? You don't like me talking about 'you people'? You don't like being treated like a dumb-ass athlete? You say I'm disrespecting you?
Well, boss, if you've taken any offence, I'm sure I'm sorry, but can't you take a joke? What? People like you have been used as free labour and second-class citizens and downtrodden just because of an accident of birth? And you don't like being judged as a piece of meat, some kind of mere physical specimen? You don't like me suggesting you is uneducated? You don't like me pretending I understand where you comin' from when I clearly have not the slightest idea?? Me thought me flattering you, Chris. Hey mon, me only jokin' wit you.
You can't take a joke? Well, me sorry – I mean, I'm sorry about that. If you were offended. Listen. Put it down to cultural differences. But now that you're getting so upset, I can see that you are actually offended. Come again? I have hurt you by judging you not as a human being but as some animal for me to humiliate in public and use for my pleasure? Gee, Chris, I'd never thought of it that way, but now you're getting so angry…
How about we start again? How about I wipe the slate clean and start to think about how you might feel before I open my mouth? How about I use the language of decency and courtesy? How about I respect your position as a working professional? How about I put myself in your shoes and feel how it feels to be spoken to like this? Would that help? Chris? Chris???