The stunner

Seventy runs by the Windies, eh? Well, obviously they're set to liven up a not particularly galvanising summer of cricket. Evidently time to book even more thrilling contemporary music artistes and announce another yet crowd costume party for the MCG leg of the touring festival.

The snoozer

Apparently captivated by reported stats that “nearly 100 million Americans will flush their toilets” at half time of the Super Bowl, this week Some Unidentified Newspaper added to the evocative nature of the imagery by sagely noting, “That is a lot of beer, hotdogs and nachos being flushed down the loo.” A new high water mark in sport reporting there.

The yak attack

All those hundreds of words and dozens of ideas about Cricket Australia from Shane Warne. An interesting contrast with his partner, Ms Liz Hurley, who, when she wanted to convey roughly the same sentiment to a network reporter recently, only had to mouth one brief but pungent expression.

How far the cherry?

Danish cyclist – now former cyclist – Michael Rasmussen admits, “I used EPO, cortisone, insulin, human growth hormone and blood transfusions.” Presumably the makers of anabolic steroids were miffed by the omission. There weren't many other omissions in that list. A sentence or two later in the same story, it was mentioned that, although Rasmussen served a two-year suspension for missing tests and deceiving authorities as to his whereabouts, he never actually tested positive. Bit of a blow for those who retain an ironclad, if somewhat difficult to explain, faith in the reliability of drug-testing procedures. Rasmussen also mentioned that he was relieved, stating, “I no longer have a heavy burden to carry.” Mmm, presumably carrying around a pharmacy's worth of stuff like that all the time could certainly tire a body out.

Bozo of the week

Yes, Anthony Mundine ran his big yapper over the Geale fight decision, (probably fishing for a lucrative, if pointless, rematch), and, pre-fight, about everything else, (The Man's usual knot-headed notion of high-class promotion). But for boxing fans to have to listen to him one more time “calling out” guys — Cotto, Trout, Martinez, Mayweather — he was never going to fight in a million years — that was the bridge too far if not also the river, mountain and island continent too far. Miguel Cotto knocks too many guys out for Team Mundine to ever want anything to do with him. Mundine said Austin Trout wasn't worth his trouble when that fight was actually on the table ages ago. Right now, Sergio Martinez would beat both guys in that fight Wednesday night. He's the consensus number one middleweight boxer in the world, full stop. Floyd Mayweather Jr is from a different planet of talent than young Anthony. They'd have to put nets five metres back around ringside to catch Anthony's head when Mayweather knocked it off, and then show “The Man” the recording later seven or eight times before he knew who or what had hit him.

Reader feedback

“What, you people want to change the tennis commentary's 'ring-a-ding-ding, roll-up roll-up!' circus vibe along, with tish-boom corny jokes and patter that conjures up the same eyeball rolling, skin crawling feeling as when grand auntie Mavis starts up with a lovely story about the olden days?

To use someone who has played THIS CENTURY and has a clue what they're talking about?

Sorry, it just wouldn't be Australian tennis commentary as I know it.”

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