For those of you who lifted your head out of the AFL Footy Record long enough to know there was an alternative sporting event in your capital city during the week, you're owed some sort of explanation for what you witnessed on Wednesday night.
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Some reasoning why your streets of culture and cafes were suddenly taken over by pot-bellied blokes in maroon jumpers and red wigs ordering pots of XXXX from your pubs.
You see, your media outlets and your sports minister Hugh Delahunty may have misled you about what was actually taking place.
To be fair, Mr Delahunty shouldn't be crucified for his slip-of-the-tongue, declaring Queensland was playing New Zealand in the State of the Origin.
After all, James Tamou obviously made the same blooper.
The Palmerston North-born prop is more Kiwi than fush-n-chups, but still got a game for the Blues. And all rugby league fans snickered a little when Mr Delahunty referred to the Blues' skipper as Paul Callen. It's probably the same reaction Victorians would have if a minister murdered the names of AFL superstars like Chris Fudd and Greg Ablett.
To be blunt, State of the Origin is rugby league's showpiece. And if there's one thing Queenslanders and New Zealanders agreed upon, it's that the State of the Origin doesn't belong in Melbourne.
I mean, how would you guys down there like it if Sydney was given a stand-alone fixture to start the AFL season! It's ludicrous, right!
Did you guys even appreciate the drama that went on Wednesday night? If the only thing that was familiar to you was the sound of the AFL-style hooter at half and full-time, here's my attempt to clarify some of the issues from the match:
? The bloke in the sky blue No.6 jersey was not David Carney as you may have read in Victorian media, but Todd Carney. If a character profile helps, consider him like a mixture of Collingwood players - the talent and tatts of a Dane Swan, but a rap-sheet longer than Heath Shaw and Alan Didak combined.
? New Zealand centre Michael Jennings was rightfully sin-binned for running in to take part in a brawl. There was no option for the umpire to march him 50m.
? In the midst of the same brawl (you'd know it better as a melee) you would have noticed New Zealand halfback Mitchell Pearce planted a hook on the chin of Queensland forward Sam Thaiday. Yes, Barry Hall would definitely beat Pearce in a fight.
? New Zealand winger Jarryd Hayne did give Johnathan Thurston a little love-tap on the chin, too, but Thurston was more guilty of staging than Essendon's Leroy Jetta.
? Paul Callen's decision to allow David Carney to kick for goal in the 53rd minute may have made sense to AFL fans, given New Zealand was two points behind at the time, 12-10. But in State of the Origin this was not a good decision, given you don't get six points for a goal, nor do you receive a point for missing.
? Queensland fullback Billy Slater, who incidentally plays for your NRL team - it's called the Melbourne Storm - is actually much better at marking the ball than he showed. But he was under instruction from Queensland coach Mal Meninga to spill a few high balls. You see the last Maroons player to take a specky in an Origin match was Israel Folau in 2008, and we all know where he ended up.
? You may have read in the lead-up to the match that New Zealand hooker Robbie Farah was not an Origin-standard player. Based on his performance on Wednesday night, that was a bigger misprint than David Carney.
? It's an easy mistake to make, but No.15 Jamie Buhrer and No.16 Ben Creagh weren't part of the New Zealand support staff. They were actually chosen to play. Those selections were a bigger mistake than Queensland's Nate Myles as man-of-the-match.
? David Carney led the way in what AFL statisticians call clangers.
? The GWS Giants took only seven games to win their first AFL match. New Zealand is now staring down the barrell of seven years without a series win in State of the Origin.
? The match-defining play was in the 73rd minute when Queensland's Greg Inglis was awarded a try, despite conjecture over whether he had lost the ball forward. The rule is that Inglis was awarded the try because Farah had tried to play at the ball with his foot … wait, it shouldn't have been a try because Inglis placed the ball on Farah's boot … wait, it came off Farah's foot onto Inglis' forearms, therefore … wait, oh, as Paul Callen says, this is getting ridiculous. Your guess is as good as good as anyone's.
